8 of swords reversed, queen of cups and the knight of wands.  something's gotta give with this crankiness!  I just can't seem to shake it, and it feels absolutely wretched.  It seems like everyone is having these huge life engulfing problems, meanwhile I just wanna have some time to myself.  I love my girls to death but the endless litany of mama mama mama mama that simply does not stop no matter what I try to do, and if I take a break to close my eyes then there is the fighting, gah. 



kin 83: Blue Overtone Night
I Empower in order to Dream
Commanding Intuition
I seal the Input of Abundance
With the Overtone tone of Radiance
I am guided by the power of Magic

 5 of wands reversed, ace of wands and the 6 of swords.  The horoscope warned of irritation today and of direct action stemming from it being the only solution.  Last October or so I accepted an invitation to play a jam which is now almost exactly a month away.  It is too late for me to un accept this invitation.  I am not the sort of person who gives her word that I will be somewhere to play and then even considers backing out of that agreement for any reason short of illness or death.  It has been awhile now, since I turned my back on the green and accepted and declined invitations based on their musical worth alone and this gig is worth it's weight in gold on that front.  So I am not at all inclined to skip it and most certainly not because of poor financial planning.  This expense has been on the docket for several many months and I would have booked the room back in April had I had the liquidity for such an endeavor.  So I booked it this morning.  1 person non refundable.  I am going to play this fucking gig by my fucking self thank you very much because last evening while I was running late and out the door I was told that we cannot afford to book this room and that I would be expected to cancel out and not go.  It is at times like these when I wonder what the dollar amount of my husband's love affair with the alcohol molecule costs us daily?  weekly?  monthly?  yearly?  The costs can be measured in green money or they can be measured in the less definable units of respect. 

kin 80: Yellow Lunar Sun
I Polarize in order to Enlighten
Stabilizing Life
I seal the Matrix of Universal Fire
With the Lunar tone of Challenge
I am guided by the power of Free Will

kin 75: Blue Planetary Eagle
I Perfect in order to Create
Producing Mind
I seal the Output of Vision
With the Planetary tone of Manifestation
I am guided by the power of Abundance
I am a polar kin    I extend the Blue galactic spectrum.

kin 74: White Solar Wizard
I Pulse in order to Enchant
Realizing Receptivity
I seal the Output of Timelessness
With the Solar tone of Intention
I am guided by the power of Heart

kin 73: Red Galactic Skywalker
I Harmonize in order to Explore
Modeling Wakefullness
I seal the Output of Space
With the Galactic tone of Integrity
I am guided by the power of Navigation

5 of cups reversed, the devil reversed and the knight of pentacles reversed



kin 72: Yellow Resonant Human
I Channel in order to Influence
Inspiring Wisdom
I seal the Process of Free Will
With the Resonant tone of Attunement
I am guided by the power of Flowering
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

Hierophant, Justice reversed and the 10 of cups reversed



kin 71: Blue Rhythmic Monkey
I Organize in order to Play
Balancing Illusion
I seal the Process of Magic
With the Rhythmic tone of Equality
I am guided by my own power doubled

3 of swords, the Hierophant, the Tower. 



kin 70: White Overtone Dog
I Empower in order to Love
Commanding Loyalty
I seal the Process of Heart
With the Overtone tone of Radiance
I am guided by the power of Endlessness

Knight of cups, 9 of cups reversed and the moon



kin 69: Red Self-Existing Moon
I Define in order to Purify
Measuring Flow
I seal the Process of Universal Water
With the Self-Existing tone of Form
I am guided by the power of Life Force
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

King of Wands reversed, Page of Swords reversed and the 4 of Pentacles.  Lookie, another King.  What an adventure these past few days have been.  Sunday we went over to Blues fest and met up with the cousin side.  everything was moving along fairly smoothly until I realized that there was a drunkening going on.  I don't know why I am always surprised about this, I suppose it should just be expected.  It makes me tense to realize that I am the only sober adult in the group.  I didn't think it was a good idea for the baby and the 3 little girls to go out adventuring with the drunk guy but I hesitated on making my opinion known because I am sensitive to always being perceived as critical.  So when Ella came back all smashed up and tramautized I can't say that I was surprised.  I thought once we made it safely back to the car that our adventure would be over.  When I ride shotgun I have this tendency to help out the driver.  I try and be another set of eyes on the road in order to keep accidents from happening.  This makes John really angry, which baffles me to no end.  Why would you want to have an accident if your seat mate had seen it coming?  Anyway, he was way to drunk to drive so I had to, although I was very tired and really stressed out from dealing with the smashed up Ella.  It was raining and I wasn't sure what the best way for us to go would be, so before we pulled out I asked for some help in getting home, with directions and stuff.  Drunko was in a mood, there was a bit of belligerence and then?  smash.  I rear ended a truck that had started turning but stopped to avoid hitting a bike that was coming from the wrong way, in the dark and rain.  Fortunately there were no injuries, unfortunately the truck's bumper hit our little car above the bumper so it was all smashed up and not drivable.  Amazingly, John had seen the bike coming but since he hates when I help him drive he had neglected to mention it.  He made a point of mentioning it right after, though, so that was super helpful.  Fortunately the other driver's car wasn't even damaged at all, so he wasn't really very put out or cranky and actually ended up giving me a ride home.  The cop was also incredibly nice, and shared with me that he had been in an identical smash up just the other day.  It really is better to smash the cars than to smash the people.  I am only slightly conflicted about it all, I really wish he had called out that there was a bike crossing the road, that would have been some useful information.  There is also the sensitive matter of these little jokes that have started to be inserted into conversation about how "I" wrecked the car.  If I thought these jokes were coming from a place of love it would be one thing but they are coming from a place of guilt and blame and there is just plenty of that to go around for sharing. 




kin 68: Yellow Electric Star
I Activate in order to Beautify
Bonding Art
I seal the Store of Elegance
With the Electric tone of Service
I am guided by the power of Free Will

The Empress, Ace of Wands reversed and the Eight of Cups reversed.  It has been a long few days with too much adventure.  I'm looking forward to running the outskirts set top to bottom and baking some bread.  And knitting, always knitting.  Oh yes and listening to these shows, I am still in Ohio! 



kin 67: Blue Lunar Hand
I Polarize in order to Know
Stabilizing Healing
I seal the Store of Accomplishment
With the Lunar tone of Challenge
I am guided by the power of Self-generation

The Devil, the King of Cups and the 10 of cups reversed.  Hmmm...  These cards tell an interesting story, I was just thinking yesterday about how I don't draw the king cards very often, but when I do it is usually the King of Cups.  And here he is again.  the 10 of cups reversed makes me a little sad and apprehensive, but it might be the medicine and solution.  Or not, hard to say. 








kin 64: Yellow Crystal Seed
I Dedicate in order to Target
Universalizing Awareness
I seal the Input of Flowering
With the Crystal tone of Cooperation
I am guided by the power of Intelligence
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

8 of swords, the fool, and the queen of pentacles.  After the disaster that was yesterday these cards are a very welcome sigh of relief.  I am not entirely sure what transpired yesterday but the short story is that I feel like I let Ella get my goat, which she was in no way prepared to handle.  Hopefully we can both learn from it and make better choices today.  My frustration stemmed from feeling like the 8 of swords.  I have been trying to do yoga every day, and I have invited both girls to join me but also admonished them to be careful and not be disruptive while I am practicing.  Yesterday I opened my eyes in downward dog and was about to jump through when I noticed that Ella was underneath me.  It really scared me because my knee would have hit her noggin, which would have hurt her AND me.  I get it that she wants to be by me and close to me but she is about to turn 5 and it is time for her mind to start working beyond appeasing her whims and only HER whims.  Plus one of us was going to get hurt.  Plus I had told her with clear language what I expected of her, either join in or stay out of the way.  This was an unacceptable third option and I must stop here because I am getting all worked up again.  Needless to say there was much explaining done and not in a necessarily nice tone of voice.  My practice was trashed with no way to resume it and the whole day contained residue as Ella continued to make these same sorts of poor choices and each one of them sent me off on a new wave of irritation about it.  I really hate feeling dissed and used and that is the crux of it.  So the 8 of swords is a reminder that these feelings are not actually binding me, I am just allowing them to and I need to not do that.  I cannot control Ella, I can only hope that she gets it on her own, but I can control my reaction to her and I can not allow her actions to send me spinning out of orbit.  The Fool helps me with the problem of not being able to plan on having time and space to practice, either yoga or music.  I've just got to accept that it is OK, but I've also got to seize my moments appropriately.  I have been really trying to sit with each moment before I decide where I am off to next, but there is such a great amount of room for mis-truth...  The Queen of Pentacles is the best part, She is who I aspire to be probably most of all of the queens.  At least she is who I feel most comfortable aspiring to be... 

Today is Abbey's last day of school, she had to go for only 1 hour to pick up her report card.  Tomorrow is PHISH and also a little parade for that little hockey team that could, after that is a rehearsal and gig filled Saturday, followed by the re-ignition of Idiom the metal ensemble.  It is time to finish the record.  Then comes a day in the park for Blues Fest and after that and so on.



kin 63: Blue Spectral Night
I Dissolve in order to Dream
Releasing Intuition
I seal the Input of Abundance
With the Spectral tone of Liberation
I am guided by my own power doubled

5 of wands reversed, 6 of swords and Judgement.  I have been trying to stay present in every moment and not plan too far ahead, but rather just sit and figure out what Needs Doing, and then acting on that.  Right now what Needs Doing is little Ella sitting over there on the piano bench patiently waiting for me to finish here.



kin 62: White Planetary Wind
I Perfect in order to Communicate
Producing Breath
I seal the Input of Spirit
With the Planetary tone of Manifestation
I am guided by the power of Heart

Knight of Swords, Sun reversed, Page of Swords.  The similar cards on the sides connected by the reversed sun in the middle...  Hmmm...  Maybe it is cloudy?

I can tell that I have been off of meat for awhile now because it does not even smell like food to me anymore, it smells sort of like cigarettes.  Both smells make me enjoy remembering how much I used to love them but also how much I do not want them around anymore.  It sort of sucks when the crock pot is percing away all night with beef stew, though, because having my dreams suffused with this smell that is not necessarily good isn't the most restful way to spend a night.  I have been having these sort of intense dreams ever since I put the amethyst by the bed and last night's dream was the Ella was stewing in the pot.  Not good.  Speaking of Ella, she has been on a bit of a tear lately with the screaming and the feet stomping.  All I can do is remove any and all reactionary energy from that exchange, she is to go straight away from civilization when she is behaving like a cave girl with nary a word from me.  Perhaps my subconscious wishes to boil her in the cook pot?  Abbey is so close to being done with first grade, she seems to have found her groove with her friends and her class.  She was singing along with her piano lesson yesterday and she has such a beautiful voice and can match pitch like the dickens.  I love to hear her read aloud, too, she puts all of the inflection in and everything.  Silly dabbers...



kin 61: Red Solar Dragon
I Pulse in order to Nurture
Realizing Being
I seal the Input of Birth
With the Solar tone of Intention
I am guided by the power of Navigation

Empress reversed, High Priestess and the 5 of swords.  The reversed empress has been showing up frequently and has been a bother because I can feel what it is that she signifies and it's not a good place for me and it feels really very yucky.  I like that she is in the past position with this 3 card spread, and while the future position is not all that stellar either at least it isn't the familiar yuck.  The yoga mat was rolled out today for the first time in too, too long.  I have bit off only a tiny little bit of expectation as far as the length and content of the practice, I am starting off slowly with just a few more sun salutations than is comfortable and then building up to the hopefully complete Ashtanga practice before I drop dead of whatever I will drop dead of.  But each practice will include a setting of intention and end with meditation.  How's that for plans?



kin 60: Yellow Galactic Sun
I Harmonize in order to Enlighten
Modeling Life
I seal the Matrix of Universal Fire
With the Galactic tone of Integrity
I am guided by the power of Flowering

5 of wands reversed, 3 of swords reversed and 7 of pentacles. 



kin 59: Blue Resonant Storm
I Channel in order to Catalyse
Inspiring Energy
I seal the Matrix of Self-generation
With the Resonant tone of Attunement
I am guided by the power of Magic

kin 58: White Rhythmic Mirror
I Organize in order to Reflect
Balancing Order
I seal the Matrix of Endlessness
With the Rhythmic tone of Equality
I am guided by my own power doubled
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

8 of cups, ace of swords reversed and 6 of swords reversed.  Things I am irritated with on this fine day - On Thursday evenings I go and have a jam with my friends Cheryl and Herm.  We usually have to stop by about 9 because everybody has to get up on the early side.  I think that it is beyond rude for my partner parent to do any other thing other than come straight home on his train because every moment that he takes for himself at this time is taking a moment from my group project.  I really don't care if he has a big party here while I am gone, I just want his ass home on the pronto so I can do my thing and not have to be made late by party preparations.  Another thing that I am beyond irritated about is lack of sharing of important information problem.  I am the one here at home and in charge of the schedule.  We have a fairly fool proof system worked out with the calendar, but problems arise when one makes a commitment and then neglects to note it on said calendar.  My problem here is that the system fails when plans are made while lubricated.  The obvious solution would be to include both partners in planning arrangements but there is a Morrissey code of conduct that requires some sort of insider status that isn't available to the non-Morrissey.  Needless to say, the brunt of these system failures fall squarely on me and mine and it's hard to not take it all just a little too personally.  I am currently left holding the bag of having to call and cancel a golf and grandchild adventure on my mother that was initially instigated by the very person who had already booked himself to watch the niece.  I feel a turn about is fair play conversation coming on and this will be the second time this week that I have had to point out a hypocrisy.  These are not my rules that are being broken. 

Meanwhile I am not playing at my best and the concert season is fast approaching.  Hopefully things can start to buzz a little cleaner around these parts.



kin 57: Red Overtone Earth
I Empower in order to Evolve
Commanding Synchronicity
I seal the Matrix of Navigation
With the Overtone tone of Radiance
I am guided by the power of Life Force

Moon, Hermit and Justice reversed.  Warrior Day, wooooo!  Ella and I need to find a schedule that works for both of us, right now we are fighting each other for time and that's not a recipe for fun.  Only one more week until Abbey joins us here at home all day and then we can really get down to business. 



kin 56: Yellow Self-Existing Warrior
I Define in order to Question
Measuring Fearlessness
I seal the Output of Intelligence
With the Self-Existing tone of Form
I am guided by the power of Free Will

Queen of Pentacles reversed, the Hierophant reversed and the Empress reversed.  Along with the horoscope information it would seem that things are rather out of sorts and it is time to reign it all back in a bit.  This is the time for vigorous and even rowdy growth.  Get while the gettin' is good.  We spent yesterday morning wandering through the woods and saw a snake and lots of pretty flowers and the most beautiful blue butterfly you can imagine.



kin 55: Blue Electric Eagle
I Activate in order to Create
Bonding Mind
I seal the Output of Vision
With the Electric tone of Service
I am guided by the power of Self-generation
I am a polar kin    I establish the Blue galactic spectrum.

Today I am starting a new way of pulling cards, instead of pulling only 1 card from each deck I am doing a 3 card spread.  I used both decks today but I think in the future I will alternate decks.

Ace of Pentacles reversed, King of Wands and Judgement.  Lovers, Death and the 7 of swords reversed.  I feel like I am missing a big point currently, and I'm not sure how to go about rectifying it.  Other than maybe just doing the littlest tiny things in the most correct way I know and hope that my intentions will get me through?



kin 54: White Lunar Wizard
I Polarize in order to Enchant
Stabilizing Receptivity
I seal the Output of Timelessness
With the Lunar tone of Challenge
I am guided by the power of Death

kin 53: Red Magnetic Skywalker
I Unify in order to Explore
Attracting Wakefullness
I seal the Output of Space
With the Magnetic tone of Purpose
I am guided by my own power doubled