Cranky!!

About external things this time, one is just not even worth mentioning but the other is that Abbey and Ella's ballet teacher is requiring attention and money above and beyond what a ballet teacher should, I think. First of all, when we started out over the summer Abbey and Ella were put into the same class. Over the summer this was fine with me because it was Ella's first class of anything ever and we all know how nervous and shy Ella can be. Looking back I think it was an error because since then Ella has started school and does just fine there on her own, and is growing into herself apart from Abbey in an awesome way. So I'd really like for them to be in classes that are appropriate for their level. They currently are in a class where there are 3 -5 year olds, with mostly 4 year olds and Abbey plus 3 3 year olds. The class is an hour. I do not want to sit and watch ballet class for an hour every week. Over the summer I stayed because Ella was new to class and I wanted to make sure that she did OK and stuff, but she did fine. So once the fall session started I'd take the girls in and get them all geared up and then go home for an hour and then come pick them up, usually a little early so I could catch the last little bit of class and get a vibe on the room. The past few weeks there has been a noticeable vibe of frustration in the room. I noticed that 2 of the moms were tucked away off in a corner while most of the moms were talking at a table, and 1 or 2 were actually sitting by the class and watching. The class was divided just this same way! The 2 girls of the seperate moms were only with each other and would only talk to each other. The rest of class was pretty much doing ballet and there were 1 or 2 kids who were having a hard time focusing but their moms were there directing them. My kids were in the group that was doing ballet. I asked them afterwards what was going on and they said that the 2 girls are exclusive and it hurts their feelings. We talked about what ballet class is and what it is for and how it's nice to have friends but that it's not appropriate to behave that way at ballet, the girls got it, they were sad that these 2 others weren't friendly. Then this week I got a call from the teacher to tell me that she was having a problem with Ella and that Ella doesn't do the arms. I know exactly what's going on with Ella, when she gets stressed she shuts down and doesn't do the arms. I told the teacher my concerns about having abbey and ella together, which she brushed off, and I told her that Ella is a bit of a tough nut and that if she hasn't warmed up yet then the ball is still in the teacher's court. That put her off a bit but she came back with a slightly accusoritory tone about there being other 3 year olds in the class that were doing fine. I really didn't want to get into it with the lady because I still needed to do some research. So I talked to Ella about how we have to try and that even if it's hard and we don't think we can it's still our job to try our best and all that jazz and then I went to class and sat on the side with the bad kid moms and watched. And talked to them. And my conclusion is that the ballet teacher is insane. I think my kids are learning ballet, but I think that the social statement being made by her attitude towards the different behaviours in class was very telling. My experience with ballet as a child was that I was not pretty enough or thin enough to be good. The teacher ran me out of town, it felt personal. I hope that I am not bringing that baggage to this situation. Meanwhile the cost of tuition is about 5 dollars lower than the other ballet schools in the area and it's close. but we have been nickled and dimed to death and don't even get a fun costume for the dress up bin out of the deal. they're rented! What kind of buck is she making on costume rentals that she couldn't make on out and out buying them? You pay her for flowers, you pay her for an ad in the program, we buy 15 dollar tickets! Each! Kids are 7. They are invited to be in 2 numbers at 15 each per kid per costume and as they get older they are "invited" to do more!

Obviously I need a new ballet teacher. I cannot deal with this, it will make me have hate feelings.

otherwise I am stressing out over 3 upcoming gigs that I do not feel even remotely ready for and do not see any way to get there without ignoring my children for extended periods. Even with my folks are taking them overnight but that's for a whole different gig that's not until January or something.

Time to make the waffles