Emperor, 2 of Swords, Ace of Cups reversed

Phew, really woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  It all hearkens back to my need for some ALONE time.  I hate to beat on the dead horse, but it is all starting to click into place.  I have this little schedule and routine carved out for myself, and when it is disrupted there are consequences.



kin 175: Blue Rhythmic Eagle 
I Organize in order to Create 
Balancing Mind 
I seal the Output of Vision 
With the Rhythmic tone of Equality 
I am guided by my own power doubled

Emperor, 5 of Swords, Empress

Strange doings afoot at la casa bonita, and boy howdy do I love my new mixer.  I think that other one was wonked when I got it, it never purred like this one does.  It was really hard to be patient and leave it only on 2 but in the end I think it is the better way.  Of course it is, the goal is not to need quickly.  Doofus.

Lots of Daisyness has come to fruition and I can maybe rest assured that it won't be my fault that the troop doesn't happen.  It's interesting to have the capacity to watch myself follow old patterns but still not have the skill to circumvent them.

The cards are scary and more easily avoided than blogged.



kin 174: White Overtone Wizard 
I Empower in order to Enchant 
Commanding Receptivity 
I seal the Output of Timelessness 
With the Overtone tone of Radiance 
I am guided by the power of Spirit 

5 of Wands, 5 of Cups reversed, Justice

When things don't feel fair it makes me sort of cranky.  I've been thinking lately about the difference between spending the majority of time with your kids when they are small versus paying a professional to do that early development work.  I feel like I was somewhat aware of difficulties of the staying home with kids gig, but there is no way to truly understand something until you are drowning in it.  It is still true, though, that this is just simply the only way I could have done it.



kin 173: Red Self-Existing Skywalker 
I Define in order to Explore 
Measuring Wakefullness 
I seal the Output of Space 
With the Self-Existing tone of Form 
I am guided by the power of Universal Water 
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

Magician, Page of Swords, 5 of cups

Brrrrrrr, chilly.  I think all of my angst and ennui of late can be directly traced to my need for alone time and the fact that I have been sorely lacking in it for quite a few years now.  Looking back on these early kid years I know I am going to wish I had a bit more of a village.  On the other hand I have most definitely learned a lot about what it means to be selfish, and how to balance it with...  oh, wait, just read the koan of the day.



kin 172: Yellow Electric Human 
I Activate in order to Influence 
Bonding Wisdom 
I seal the Process of Free Will 
With the Electric tone of Service 
I am guided by the power of Intelligence 

10 of cups reversed, Justice reversed, 3 of wands

Before enlightenment, stack wood, carry water.  After enlightenment, stack wood, carry water.  Not that I am enlightened or anything, or maybe I am...

Today I tackle this whole wheat french bread project.  I intend to stretch it over 2 days and do the bake tomorrow.

Have I mentioned lately that I love to play in the big band?  Any big band, doesn't really matter...  just makes me really happy for some reason.



kin 168: Yellow Crystal Star 
I Dedicate in order to Beautify 
Universalizing Art 
I seal the Store of Elegance 
With the Crystal tone of Cooperation 
I am guided by the power of Universal Fire 
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

Empress reversed, 9 of Swords, Queen of Cups

Denying the traditional feminine has been a constant theme, as well as the battle of perceptions that comes along with it.  I would be very careful while denying to not also denigrate.  This Queen of Cups is becoming a familiar friend, you could say she is the embodiment of my aspirations.  But only half of the time.  But obviously THIS half.



kin 167: Blue Spectral Hand 
I Dissolve in order to Know 
Releasing Healing 
I seal the Store of Accomplishment 
With the Spectral tone of Liberation 
I am guided by my own power doubled 

4 of swords, Ace of Pentacles and the 3 of Pentacles reversed.  This time before typing, where I sit and wonder what to say reminds me of my grandpa, and how he was so keen on having a grandkid be a preacher.  And quite progressive at that, he only had the one boy so he expanded his wish to all of the grandkids.  Girls could be preachers!  I feel like this process of digging through the onion layers of the mind is very preachery, though, as is the need to write about it.  I prefer to think of it as philosophizing, now, but in Grandpa's world it would probably be preachin'.  I had a realization this morning when I woke up with that feeling of doing it all wrong again, that my imbalance is to the practice side.  I also can't help but notice that for the 3rd day in a row I must go to the bank.  Oh and the bread!  Yesterdays sour dough experiment came out just fine and I have come to a place of peace with my need to put sugar in the starter.  My next foray is into the french countryside where we shall use the whole grain and still get big pockets.



kin 166: White Planetary World-Bridger 
I Perfect in order to Equalize 
Producing Opportunity 
I seal the Store of Death 
With the Planetary tone of Manifestation 
I am guided by the power of Timelessness 

Judgement reversed, the Queen of Cups and the 6 of Wands.  After going to bed way too early last night and then waking up way too early this morning with the feeling that some thing is not right, it would seem to not be something the cards want to tell me about.  Judgement reversed always seems so confusing until I call it music.  The Queen is so inviting, I could only wish to be like her I think and the 6's are parading through, we have wands today.  6 is a nice plump and tasty nugget.



kin 165: Red Solar Serpent 
I Pulse in order to Survive 
Realizing Instinct 
I seal the Store of Life Force 
With the Solar tone of Intention 
I am guided by the power of Birth 
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

Queen of Pentacles, 7 of swords and the 6 of cups.  Tales from a suck gig number 512 I can really feel the improvement from laying it all out there in front of people, I am learning how to not listen so critically and keep the mind open to new input rather than freaking out and shutting down.  This is key and oh so important and also?  Pretty much the whole point of the adventure.  So that's the good.  The bad and the irritating, though, are very powerful emotions.  It all boils down to using those holes in the sides of ones head.  And also subverting the ego, I suppose but really?  Just listening would be very helpful.  Each tune has a form.  It has a certain number of bars and beats that just simply must be accounted for.  No more and no less.  I feel it is my sworn duty to uphold this law, else the universe might just collapse in on me at that moment and I'll just cease to be.



kin 164: Yellow Galactic Seed 
I Harmonize in order to Target 
Modeling Awareness 
I seal the Input of Flowering 
With the Galactic tone of Integrity 
I am guided by the power of Elegance 

9 of Pentacles reversed, Queen of Cups and the Sun reversed.  Burnt out and in need of rejuvenation?  OK, I am off to have a nap.



kin 163: Blue Resonant Night 
I Channel in order to Dream 
Inspiring Intuition 
I seal the Input of Abundance 
With the Resonant tone of Attunement 
I am guided by the power of Vision

King of Cups reversed, Page of Wands and the Lovers reversed.  Must be Friday.



kin 162: White Rhythmic Wind 
I Organize in order to Communicate 
Balancing Breath 
I seal the Input of Spirit 
With the Rhythmic tone of Equality 
I am guided by my own power doubled 

5 of wands, King of Pentacles and the Queen of Wands.  All right side up.  I like to see the 5 as it's alternative attempt to build something better, rather than the possibly more obvious struggle against others.  The King and Queen are coming for a visit later this afternoon, here's hoping.

The bread project of the day is to bake the molasses bread.  It never did really rise the way the book said it would but I did have it in a cooler spot.  We'll see how it poufs up this morning.  The other project is to get the rye starter going, as it probably needs to fester and spew for awhile.

I have many moments during the yoga-ing that I send back to come at a more appropriate time but they don't seem to come while I am sitting here and typing.



kin 161: Red Overtone Dragon 
I Empower in order to Nurture 
Commanding Being 
I seal the Input of Birth 
With the Overtone tone of Radiance 
I am guided by the power of Universal Water 

7 of swords reversed, the Emperor and the page of cups reversed.  Major movings afoot over here, this bread magic is some powerful stuff.  Operation Recruit Help With the Daisy's is under way, and so that huge weight is lifted.  The loaf of yesterday is just OK, but there is always a re-learning involved when you haven't done something in awhile.  I am happy that I didn't burn up my mixer!  Today's loaf is the molasses bread, again from Laurel's Bread Book.  It is looking magnificent if I do say so, but it is also a 24 hour riser so that takes most of the potential for error out of the equation.



kin 160: Yellow Self-Existing Sun 
I Define in order to Enlighten 
Measuring Life 
I seal the Matrix of Universal Fire 
With the Self-Existing tone of Form 
I am guided by the power of Intelligence 
I am a polar kin    I convert the Yellow galactic spectrum.

3 of cups, 7 of wands, 8 of swords reversed.  Now that the weather has turned just a tad coolish I have gotten the itch to bake some bread.  I started yesterday with Grandma's rye, it was delicious and I would love to make it again today but I am out of rye flour.  Today I am making the first basic whole wheat loaf from Laurel's Bread Book;  Abbey asked this morning (as she was eating her toast) if I might make something that toasted nicely.  I almost burned up the mixer, though!  I recognize the sacrilege of using the mixer to make Laurel's recipes and am a lazy fool who will surely suffer the appropriate torments in accordance.  My intent in baking is firstly to have some nice loaves to eat and share all around, but also my hope is to attract some magical home building energy from the universe if I fill it with a pleasing enough intent.  We need some serious inward work to happen over here and it's going to be cold soon which will make me wish that some of it had been done in the more pleasant weather.



kin 159: Blue Electric Storm 
I Activate in order to Catalyse 
Bonding Energy 
I seal the Matrix of Self-generation 
With the Electric tone of Service 
I am guided by the power of Abundance 

Queen of Swords, Page of Wands and Justice Reversed.  The Queen is all me all the time, the page could be the smalls, or it could be another small coming to visit, the reversed justice is also so familiar so as to be part of the daily fabric.  The first loaf of the season is currently attempting it's first rise, as is my experiment of being able to produce a quality loaf a day.  It's a special kind of magic that gets aroused in a home with fresh bread every day.



kin 158: White Lunar Mirror 
I Polarize in order to Reflect 
Stabilizing Order 
I seal the Matrix of Endlessness 
With the Lunar tone of Challenge 
I am guided by the power of Heart 

9 of cups reversed, the hermit and the king of wands.  It has been a fairly easy transition over to school time this year.  Abbey is still awaiting the proper level of challenge but I am hopeful we will get there.  Ella is reading!  Mama loves the bus.  We all seem to be getting enough sleep, I hate to jinx us but so far so good.  Activities really get underway next week so hopefully we can retain our even keel with the increase in stuff to do.



kin 156: Yellow Cosmic Warrior 
I Endure in order to Question 
Transcending Fearlessness 
I seal the Output of Intelligence 
With the Cosmic tone of Presence 
I am guided by the power of Universal Fire 

5 of wands reversed, 2 of swords, 4 of swords reversed.  Well that's unsettling.  In my experience when my mind goes immediately to gloom and doom with the cards it is usually a cosmically sick joke so here's to that being the case today as well.



kin 155: Blue Crystal Eagle 
I Dedicate in order to Create 
Universalizing Mind 
I seal the Output of Vision 
With the Crystal tone of Cooperation 
I am guided by the power of Accomplishment 
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

6 of swords, Death and the Emperor reversed.  I was just thinking yesterday that I used to pull the 6 of swords fairly regularly, but not recently and here it is.  Hellooooo 6 of swords.

Last night I came home to receive a message from one of my brother's friends that he hadn't checked in or returned home from a long drive.  I have heard now that he may have gone adventuring, and am feeling relieved to a point although it would be nice to have some official confirmation.  Sleeping was quite unsatisfying, though...



kin 154: White Spectral Wizard 
I Dissolve in order to Enchant 
Releasing Receptivity 
I seal the Output of Timelessness 
With the Spectral tone of Liberation 
I am guided by my own power doubled 
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

Imaginal World

4 of swords, king of swords and the 7 of cups reversed.  I need to pull myself from the imaginal world and get my nose back to the grindstone.  Of course I am laughing at the absurdity of the statement but it's just an attitude, right?

Ella is having a bit of a struggle with herself about whether or not she can choose to apply her mind to her will, or whether she will allow it to apply it's tendencies and habits of fear to control her.  She is also learning the power of full refusal.  My goal is to try and stay present with her and hopefully help her to see the connection.

Abbey gets to learn what standardized testing really means this year, she came home with a weekly test, which is of course how they do it now, they practice it every week until they are little test taking machines.  My little goal with her is to encourage her to look at all facets of her work and try to make them all the highest quality.  This isn't stuff that they can measure on that test...



kin 153: Red Planetary Skywalker 
I Perfect in order to Explore 
Producing Wakefullness 
I seal the Output of Space 
With the Planetary tone of Manifestation 
I am guided by the power of Birth 
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

 5 of pentacles, Judgement reversed and the king of swords reversed.  It has been awhile sine the 5 of Pents showed up.  She seems to be a warning today to make choices that will lead away from that sort of suffering.  Walking around barefoot in the snow is not my idea of fun times.  The reversed judgement and king of swords have some similarities about being cranky and strict.





kin 152: Yellow Solar Human 
I Pulse in order to Influence 
Realizing Wisdom 
I seal the Process of Free Will 
With the Solar tone of Intention 
I am guided by the power of Elegance 
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

kin 150: White Resonant Dog 
I Channel in order to Love 
Inspiring Loyalty 
I seal the Process of Heart 
With the Resonant tone of Attunement 
I am guided by the power of Spirit 
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

Seven of Swords reversed, 10 of wands and 2 of cups.  One of the constants of the past few months or so has been my feeling of a complete lack of understanding from almost everybody and everything.  It is hard to keep it together when there just doesn't seem to be a point.  Or rather that the only point seems to be to make some nice sounds every now and again, and whatever happens to make that happen is what happens.



kin 149: Red Rhythmic Moon 
I Organize in order to Purify 
Balancing Flow 
I seal the Process of Universal Water 
With the Rhythmic tone of Equality 
I am guided by my own power doubled 
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

Justice reversed, 9 of wands and the knight of swords.  I am tired of taking the back seat in our family decision making process.  I am a jazzer, tonight is jazz fest downtown.  It's sort of like church.  I want the kids to come and experience jazz fest, even if they aren't paying a lick of attention.  I want our family memories to include jazz fest every year.  In case it isn't obvious I feel pretty strongly about this, and I am not sure how many ways I can spell it out so that I am understood.



kin 148: Yellow Overtone Star 
I Empower in order to Beautify 
Commanding Art 
I seal the Store of Elegance 
With the Overtone tone of Radiance 
I am guided by the power of Intelligence 
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

Just experimenting a little with the way things work over here.  I have not been feeling very connected to the tarot for a few days, I think I am not phrasing my question correctly or whatever.  I guess I just don't know what I want to know anymore or something.  Now that I am thinking about it I think I am feeling pretty disconnected from just about everything.  There really doesn't seem to be a point, other than chopping wood and carrying water.

I would also just like to applaud myself for remaining consistent in always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.  I am a master of it.

In other news, the new Robert Plant record makes me shake mah booty in a foot stompy sort of way.



kin 147: Blue Self-Existing Hand 
I Define in order to Know 
Measuring Healing 
I seal the Store of Accomplishment 
With the Self-Existing tone of Form 
I am guided by the power of Abundance 
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.

6 of pentacles reversed, 9 of wands and the 4 of cups reversed.  Here we are, one week into the rest of my life. It is everything I expected it to be, so far.  Just having that couple of hours every day that I can count on have made all of the difference in the world.  And again the koan for today is apt...



kin 146: White Electric World-Bridger 
I Activate in order to Equalize 
Bonding Opportunity 
I seal the Store of Death 
With the Electric tone of Service 
I am guided by the power of Heart 
I am a galactic activation portal    enter me.