Today's cards: 10 of Pentacles and Ace of Cups. The 10 of pentacles is a lot like our little house here. There is magic oozing from every crevice but it isn't always perceived. The ace of cups came after I pulled death while looking at Ella. I had to put that one back and try again so the cups with their accepting everything message was appropriate I suppose.

I had a fun time with my parents and at the concert last night. I didn't realize how nervous I was that they would be bored with the stuff that wasn't my part but it turned out to be the percussion ensemble which is quite good and always interesting and then 2 choirs that Abbey liked. And even my part was judged not toooooo boring. We got to come up on the riser and I had to quick plug the amps in and then play which was a little tricky. I was glad there were no horrendous injuries, stages are fucking dangerous if you ask me.

Off to take little Ella to school, she is snuffly but she wants to go.

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Now playing: Phish - Guantanamo Strut
via FoxyTunes

Today's cards - 3 of Swords and the Empress. I can already relate them both to this morning and last evening. The 3 of Swords is a familiar sorrow, that I am learning to accept and integrate in order to move past. This particular manifestation had to do with being screamed at like I was a child in front of my children by my partner who is supposed to be rather more partnery than that if you ask me. I am actively working to address this issue, though, by trying to only respond calmly to the screaming, although that can be tough sometimes. The Empress is also a common emotion in this part of my life where I have small people around all the time who could be considered subjects I suppose. I do not really like to think of them like that, but they do need guidance and lots of help with stuff so in that way it is apt.

I'm having so much fun playing with the new computer I have been neglecting my other projects but having a little break from them feels OK too.

I am patiently waiting for my DVD of Genitalio, and I have 2 transcriptions to work out but still 2 weeks before they are needed. There is a big band gig and cd recording upcoming as well as a small band gig which earns scratch. There is the Matt and Dirk at Matt's Church thing, possibly Fodfest with Anne and some appearances at Border's mixed in. Idiom is still on track to open for Macabre on Dec. 26. Brutal.



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Now playing: Miles Davis - He Loved Him Madly
via FoxyTunes

Cheesecake!

The gig yesterday was at the Eli's factory. I was unprepared for the elements, I am spoiled by having things provided and I need to bring my own. I need to get one of those plexiglass dealies. Actually, I think the universe i telling me I need to just know these tunes and not need the music anymore. These tunes are in there, everybody has them in there it's just a matter of getting them out on command. I can feel the knowledge starting to creep around the sides of my ears. I feel a step slow, though, and it's all fitness. yoga and practicing are lacking day to day, and in not doing those important things I am also not doing so many less important things. Why is that so hard to remember? Or enforce, rather. Payment for this gig, was abysmal. We got a free lunch and a cheesecake, but the vegetarian option was a side of hummus with super greasy grilled pitas. It was hardly fit for consumption. The cheesecake was alright I guess, but I don't need shit like that in my house so I gave it to Mimi. All in all I cannot recommend the Eli's factory for fun on a Thursday afternoon unless you get to bring your bass and play some music.

Tales from a Suck Gig

So I've been trying to carve out the time to make myself practice all week, but as it is always the way of things I was going to have to really work for it and I just didn't have it in me. The girls were so very needy and anyway, needless to say I played for all of about 10 minutes all week. So on my way over to rehearsal I start picking on my fingernails because I never learn. So I accidently rip my right hand plucker's nail off a good little way into the quick. yeah, right before the 5 hours that I am not prepared or in shape for. I hate to sound like a whiner, I'm really just mentioning it in the context of the day. So I have that rehearsal and muddle through, it's only a rehearsal so I don't have to worry too much about it but it's a three hour rehearsal with it's own challenges.... Anyway, I get over to Borders for the gig and I'm really looking forward to playing, we have some new music that should be a lot easier to read through and hopefully we'll have fewer of those train wreck moments that seem to make this group both exciting and terrifying. The - My god he's gonna hit the top of the head here?! - sort of stuff, and the - Holy shit where are we now - kind of wackiness that I haven't had happen to me since grade school. But alas, Anne didn't show so no solid time. And for some reason Les' equipment was emitting a horrid and terrible fuzz and distortion on his low end which this fucker in the front row decided must be coming from the horrid bass guitar so it must be turned down and now! Oh no he was not going to sit right there in the front row right the fuck in front of the pa speaker and have to hear a bass guitar sound so horrid. Yeah. it's not me. my shit works. So he complained loudly about the bass for the whole first several tunes until I was seriously turned so far down that I could not hear myself and I am the only thing that keeps the band together when it gets off the rails but I could not step in and assert myself because that fucker had made me turn so far down and I had no finger nail with which to make volume. So it was horrible and no fun and we sounded really bad and I hate that feeling.

But today, is a new day, and it is my birthday and it is also Abbey's birthday so I will try to make her day the best day that she will love the best because she is 6 and has definite opinions about such things. She wanted to wake up at Grandma's and get the grandma birthday treatment and I do not blame her one little bit.

And on that note see my sidebar for my new favorite birthday song

cave trolls

It has been so cold and snowy and blech out here since this weekend I don't think we've been outside for longer than a minute. And we've got the front room all cleaned up so there is no living allowed in there until after our shindig on Sunday. This, my friends, is why god made the tv. I don't even feel one bit guilty for using it because since we've moved here I can honestly say there are more days where it does not get turned on by me or for them then days where it does. Although the powerpuff girls are now on boomerang so we've been watching those. But that just started yesterday.

Tonight the big band is playing at Hackney's again. Hopefully I do not have another case of the nerves like happened last time, although that was a huge learning experience... It's going to be Cheryl and Me leading the poor drummer around by the nose, though, because this is her first gig with us and only her second time through most of these tunes. Ann(e?) is her name, and she's from NAPERVILLE! I have not had the chance to figure out much else about her except that she seems like a girl version of my brother but with a little more pizzaz. I am sure I will know more after tonight.

The girlz had their little ballet show Sunday. I guess it was the Ms. Ann show with accompaniment from the kids. I did not get to go because of the new drummer situation and band practice, but John snapped some photos. I am so glad to be finished with that insanity, Ruth Page here we come. I actually talked to their sitting at the desk guy, he sounded like a dancer. Not like somebody who runs a ballet school so that they can relive their glory days of HS subarban holiday ballet show queendom. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just not who I want teaching my girlz anything really. I realize I live out here in the burbs but that doesn't mean I have to accept less than what I expect and pay more.

yoga wise I am holding steady with intending to practice every day but, like, yesterday I had a nap instead. And it's hard to get to the gym when they have childcare if the mornings are full. I'm thinking about trying to head over there every day too, but it's still feeling like such a chore I'm not sure it will happen. we'll see, the kids are off of school for almost 2 weeks so we'll have to do something.

Abbey is getting to be so much more independant, thinking and acting. But then I look again and she's still small but watch out. Ella just likes to snuggle.

The great thing about grandparents is that when your kids are with them you can really realize just how much you miss them when they are gone. I dropped them both off yesterday, then grandma took abbey and me to get haircuts, even though I had forgotten that I was going to wait until after Abbey's ballet show to cut hers but oh well. Then we went to the shoe store for some slipper type shoes to wear out of swimming lessons and ballet when they don't necessarily have socks. Those goofers picked out these rubber croc like things that are shaped like cats. and now they sit back there meowing their shoes at each other.

Then I went to rehearsal. Which went pretty well I think, although I do feel slightly hoodwinked. It turns out we're rehearsing to play her tunes for a fundraiser at her temple. She's lucky that I just recently extended my banning of all thing money related to cover my music life as well. Because now I can't even worry about it, a gig's a gig.

yay

monday monday la laaaa la laaaaa

it snowed.

there is snow in my yard.

I am actually happy about that because maybe now it will just be winter and not this weird going back and forth thing that seems to make me feel yucky.

today I think I will start learning how to make french bread. I do not think there is much to do day 1 but I think I will do it and then I will know.

I have been a knitting fool and now I need to be a going to the post office fool because I cannot finish these socks until I know if they will fit. They are TINY and must go to the smallest footed person that I know, but if they are indeed too tiny even for her then I must frog and re-do.

But oh yes, the knitting, I spent too much on the yarn for the hat but it was soooo nice to work with and has knitted up just as nice. yay for non itchy wool. the mitten wool on the other hand is giving me a rash to work with but I'm hoping that it will relax a little. It still has chunks of leaves from the dye in it and stuff, which is nice too but rather the opposite of the other hand spun and dyed stuff.

Oh, and my new strings!!! Also well worth the spendy because they are so smooth and slidey. Since John's from homeing it I can definitely practice first thing, and then start the bread...

I have realized that I can really like this time of year as long as I don't feel like I have to do anything. As long as I can somehow make myself want to do it I'm ok...

we'll see

OK

How was that for a week? Who am I again? Oh yeah.

Time to get this wagon back on the tracks.

Today I need to do the last of the sicko's laundry and get the beds switched back. Abbey was on the bottom bunk this week.

I need to practice for this wedding which is creeping up.

I need to fix this problem with the brain cramps and the socks.

yah.

making stuff

So I've been going gung ho on these socks, to the detriment of my many other things I should be doing. But they're going to be really super fancy socks...

The last gig of the season for my big band is this Thursday. At least it's a 2 hour throwdown of everything we've been doing, and after my magnificent nerves of last time I'm going to get some practicing in tomorrow and I pretty much get to play most of the day Thursday too so I think I'll be good to go. I'm still sporadically working on Rubber Soul, what a great album. I really need to haul the cello out and start getting ready for this wedding.

Let's see, other things I need to make, ooh, I ordered up a sock monkey kit. I'm sure part of the reason I'm busting my tail on these socks is because I need to clear off the needles so I can start on the monkey. Um, yeah.

What else can I babble on about?

I need to make my yoga practice harder, what I really need to do is to put this one in the morning first thing when I get up so ungodly early and then just add another one in the usual spot.

time to go

Where ya Been?

Just relax, you're doing fine.

Ya ya ya.

Finished both blankets, but haven't uploaded pics because of fear of spiders lurking behind the computer. Ella woke up in the middle of the night screaming about spiders and I can't get her terror out of my head.

Have been practicing some bass just lately again, took about a week off I guess. Realizing again that I must get the cello out. Still time before the wedding, but fast running out.

yoga is all good and is the constant for now, just must.

Still reading the hobbit, but since we're just entering Mirkwood and Ella is already afeared of spiders, well, might take a small break.

Currently knitting socks but really seriously bored with the pattern and wishing I could do something else for a bit, but what?

Playing in the band

Got together last night with Cheryl the guitar player to work on some tunes. I'm always torn when it comes to how much I can let the kids participate during band practice. Cheryl was awesome at getting them to use their little percussion instruments on 2 and 4, but then Abbey decided she'd tickle the keys a little and that just won't do. Extra percussion is always welcome but atonal piano during A Train? sorry dabbers...

I have a new tarot book, 2 actually, because I've decided that it would be fun to refine my already hopping intuition. I'd like to learn to focus and understand more easily. Inwardly AND outwardly.

Swirly

in the noggin today, but I think in a good way. I've been pondering the point of things lately, as in, is there one and since I've decided that there is, what is it? All of this brought about by reading too much yoga stuff I think, and perhaps by listening to too much Mingus. The stuff is dense!

I've decided to worry a lot less about why.

So the fun part of my Rubber Soul project has been the cutting and pasting of charts, I give Ella all of the Ringo parts and she makes things. It's also fun to be able to sight read this stuff so easily and I know I'm practicing the stuff I'm good at already but the other stuff is so hard. yah.

The girls are just getting so big and independent, although I just realized yesterday that the day will come soon where I don't pick Ella up like a toddler anymore. I remember my mom telling me that I was too big to be carried and I was sad. It was easier with Abbey because I was lugging Ella already and just couldn't.

Rubber Soul

is my next project, don't forget

Phew

Finally this week has pretty much un-busied itself. I think today is the day that blanket baby is coming, so I really need to finish the blanket. I also want to make a CD of this bass book so I can practice it a little. But I'm waiting for the end of naptime because it might get noisy.

Something clicked in my head last night at my gig so that now things are better and I feel way more confident for the most part. It was rather shocking, the difference, but in a good way. yah

hungry

Oh yeah

I forgot! This was the month of the massively painful ovulation! Perhaps that is why I had a hurtier than usual beginning to this cycle...

I had a good practice, but then I had to hurry hurry hurry to get the girls to ballet on time, which now has me in headache mode because I got up too quick after a long shoulder stand.

I still need to practice the bass today, Sister Sadie needs some attention. I did get around to watching my Mingus documentary, boy does his kid look like him. Thought it interesting that he was floated away on the Ganges, and I have more to say but this headache is requiring a shower.