8 of swords, the fool, and the queen of pentacles.  After the disaster that was yesterday these cards are a very welcome sigh of relief.  I am not entirely sure what transpired yesterday but the short story is that I feel like I let Ella get my goat, which she was in no way prepared to handle.  Hopefully we can both learn from it and make better choices today.  My frustration stemmed from feeling like the 8 of swords.  I have been trying to do yoga every day, and I have invited both girls to join me but also admonished them to be careful and not be disruptive while I am practicing.  Yesterday I opened my eyes in downward dog and was about to jump through when I noticed that Ella was underneath me.  It really scared me because my knee would have hit her noggin, which would have hurt her AND me.  I get it that she wants to be by me and close to me but she is about to turn 5 and it is time for her mind to start working beyond appeasing her whims and only HER whims.  Plus one of us was going to get hurt.  Plus I had told her with clear language what I expected of her, either join in or stay out of the way.  This was an unacceptable third option and I must stop here because I am getting all worked up again.  Needless to say there was much explaining done and not in a necessarily nice tone of voice.  My practice was trashed with no way to resume it and the whole day contained residue as Ella continued to make these same sorts of poor choices and each one of them sent me off on a new wave of irritation about it.  I really hate feeling dissed and used and that is the crux of it.  So the 8 of swords is a reminder that these feelings are not actually binding me, I am just allowing them to and I need to not do that.  I cannot control Ella, I can only hope that she gets it on her own, but I can control my reaction to her and I can not allow her actions to send me spinning out of orbit.  The Fool helps me with the problem of not being able to plan on having time and space to practice, either yoga or music.  I've just got to accept that it is OK, but I've also got to seize my moments appropriately.  I have been really trying to sit with each moment before I decide where I am off to next, but there is such a great amount of room for mis-truth...  The Queen of Pentacles is the best part, She is who I aspire to be probably most of all of the queens.  At least she is who I feel most comfortable aspiring to be... 

Today is Abbey's last day of school, she had to go for only 1 hour to pick up her report card.  Tomorrow is PHISH and also a little parade for that little hockey team that could, after that is a rehearsal and gig filled Saturday, followed by the re-ignition of Idiom the metal ensemble.  It is time to finish the record.  Then comes a day in the park for Blues Fest and after that and so on.



kin 63: Blue Spectral Night
I Dissolve in order to Dream
Releasing Intuition
I seal the Input of Abundance
With the Spectral tone of Liberation
I am guided by my own power doubled