2 of pentacles reversed and the Devil. Today I am very nervous and obsessively envisioning decapitation and dismemberment. I can stop but when I stop stopping it's there again. Anne was nice last night and reminded me that it's just a jam so I'm going to try to ignore the whole stage and lights part and maybe it'll feel like just a jam. Mostly I hope I don't lose it when they start talking about his poor son who was still in the womb and will only ever know that daddy was so horrifically done away with. It is all very upsetting and I seem to need to think about it without making it easier.

I am amused with myself, I signed up to get these emails to remind me to go walk every day and now I actually do it. Now that I don't have to tell myself to do it, but rather get to delete an email and feel all accomplished and stuff then I go do it. I am a silly. The emails are nice, though, they are building up to a 5k walk which is what I'd need to be doing every day to make it to the woods and back, or maybe a little more...

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Listening to: Neil Young - The Losing End (When You're On)