page of pentacles 7 of swords reversed

Study and nefariousness. I need to be careful of sneaky people, I think...

8 of cups reversed and the chariot.

The 8 of cups means to keep on keeping on, which is similar to the chariot, although I feel like the chariot's horses are usually the girls and the card is usually to remind me of my job of driving them each but together also. And to try and use the most subtle suggestion necessary to get the result...

I got some good practicing in yesterday, but I am not sure that I will today. maybe. I asked for some time this evening but John has a party to go to that takes precedence. So I get to choose between ignoring the children and my work.

King of wands reversed and strength reversed. This King, while still J, is not reversed on me but I think rather shows just how sucky the job is going currently. That is where I can possibly help, if allowed. Change is hard and this job has been his primary metaphor for half of his life. I'm not sure how strength reversed fits here, but I'm sure it will become clear with time. I still have no clue what yesterdays cards were all about either.

Abbey has her little show today and she is the understudy for the spider. She was so nervous this morning that she couldn't eat her breakfast. I told her to break a leg and she gave me that look, with those huge eyes that were full of bewilderment, why would I suggest she break a leg? It all reminds me of when she was barely 2 and the spanish class lady wanted her to stand on stage on a chair and sing in front of a whole room full of people. Instead she ran to the rocking horse and rocked for all she was worth... break a leg, sing a solo, poor dabbers does put up with me sometimes...

So I have some thoughts on yesterday's cards. The sun is easy, hanging out with the fam is always sunny. Though getting a touch towards twilight but not yet dimming... The reversed cups is my old nemesis drunk John. Yesterday he thought it would be cool to correct me not once but several times in front of other people. And then the sarcasm monster came out to play later. Lame. My ignore button is getting a lot of work lately, but it's of course all my fault because I am such a strange bird. Oh, and rude, don't forget that. Oh, and did you know that I won't clean the bathroom? because I won't. I do not want to, and I particularly do not want to when it seems that it is some sort of requirement to earn the respect of my partner. That's just not the way I roll, and it is not a secret or something that has changed recently if ever.

And again today with the reversed knight of cups, it is most definitely J. In shamanic tradition this card can mean that dream interpretation can be necessary and fortunately he woke me up this morning to tell me all about his dream where I was playing my bass in a river, and that there was water pouring down also and he was worried that I needed rescuing. I may not have that entirely right but I remember he said that I was playing bass and not cello and that there was a lot of water.

My other card today was the 8 of wands, the falling in love card. I shall pay attention to that energy today... I am intrigued...

The sun and the Knight of Cups reversed. hmmm. I will have to pay attention today to see what those mean...

Had a great gig last evening with Matt and Dirk, 2 saxes and bass. We are off to grandma's today, liable to sit around and watch football I imagine.

Queen of Cups and 2 of wands reversed. This Queen is new, I do not usually pull her, I wonder if she stands for my friend here in town who is having troubles... She is certainly groovy and magical and I would aspire to merge my creativity with function as well as she appears to. The reversed wands are all about magical change and new experiences I hope. rather than deception. eeek.

4 of wands reversed and 3 of pentacles. I am dreading and trying to avoid the turkey day baloney by taking a trip to the country. Work is going well and mastery is assured.

yay.

Abbey is insistent that I only make her pink with brown stripes this season. She will not have the pompom hat in bikini stripes, just brown, with a stripe of pink. please. ?!

Ella will allow some pink but only with a blue accent. the blue blend of the beach yarn is tolerable also, but the blue silk is really where it's at.

Practice and all is coming.

King of wands reversed and knight of swords. I got a new reversals book the other day and since then the only entry I have pulled is this king of wands. Twice. Just to reiterate, before pulling a card I always shuffle 3 times and then do a hand shuffle to try and touch every card a little, then I cut the deck and keep the card that comes up on the bottom of the right hand pile. I was reading in my new book and learned that court cards are often other people, which reinforces who this king of wands is. I think the knight is the dabbers, though, she is charging off into first grade willy nilly.

King of wands reversed and the Empress. On Wednesdays Abbey goes to the rise and shine runners club before school. It usually works out nicely because John doesn't go until after I get back so I don't have to wake Ella up and drag her along to drop off Abbey. Last night John decided to go golfing with his dad at 6:30, which meant that Ella would have to get up and come with me. I do not understand why the golfing could not wait a half hour?! As it turned out I got Ella up and she screamed in my face about doing her socks wrong which was simply marvelous first thing, then John showed up just before I had to leave because it was too cold and the course wouldn't let anyone on. So then I go to drive Abbey to school and for some reason the car was not in the garage for this first morning of frost so we were late because I had to defrost the windows. Why do we have a garage if not to keep the car in it so as to not have to deal with the elements? I am so beyond irritated. These past 3 days it seems almost as if he is trying to be as clueless and in the way as possible.

3 of swords and 2 of swords (again). So I must be a little cranky? Ya think? I'm not so cranky today... it must still be leaking over from yesterday. Well, I am a little cranky because I had my folks all lined up to come babysit. My mom really likes to come and my dad tolerates it I think, anyway, somebody decided not to go to work so I had to call and cancel my folks and I feel bad that my mom won't get to hang out with Ella and vice versa. And I'm a bit cranky about it, yes I am.

This show I am listening to from 10-17-1985 is funny! Trey sounds like a nervous nelly. Dave's Energy Guide is a pretty alright tune, I wonder why they stopped playing it?

2 of swords and 9 of pentacles.

I am filled with irritation. With myself first and foremost because I am not practicing all things the way that I should. With my partner secondly for being so irritating and selfish. Just because you do not have to go downtown does not entitle you to a "day off" I do not know what that means but you need to get out of the bed and help out with the children because then maybe I will be able to have the energy to practice my cello see irritation #1.

I wish I had a graph for these card draws... or a chart... hmmm...

OK, off to start transcribing something.

Fool reversed and 3 of cups reversed. Blockage is occurring in the spontaneity vein and it is causing disruption with revelry making.

Abbey is practicing the piano, she is playing old macdonald and every time she messes up she starts over. She keeps messing up at the same place, where you jump up to play eieio, but I am not telling her to isolate that phrase and fix the problem first, rather I am listening to this stinking song over and over and over. Yay! But she is getting it and on her own terms and that is not a sarcastic yay.

I am almost sick with worry because John rode his bike to Paul's to watch the bears where I am certain he had more than 2 beers and is now probably riding home drunk with no helmet.

Death and the Empress reversed. Coming to a truth with logic that causes great change. Sounds like an excellent plan.

King of Pentacles reversed and Knight of Pentacles. So, I need to not worry about fame and fortune and just do good service work or something. OK.

What I'd truly like, though, is to not have to feel like some sort of wacko for not eating meat. I am sorry that I assumed that when I was invited to dinner that there would be something for me to eat. In the future I shall bring something. I just want to know why it is so terrible to have a meal without meat in it. When I was a kid we used to have meatless dinner, and more often we would have just a tiny amount of meat in a mostly veg entre. This is my worldview, though and I am doing my best to be understanding of everyone's choices as they are all valid. Even the choice to ostracize the vegetarian, I must accept that as valid as well but it sure does suck. I am truly trying to meet in the middle from a place of love and kindness, at least that is my intention though it is so hard.

Ella and I had a fun time playing with her little piano books this morning, and Abbey and I had a fun time playing with hers the other evening. Hopefully it can all continue to be fun and games.

The daisy meeting went OK. The bossy lady can't spell. There was pee. The whole thing lasted way too long again. Better to start earlier than to go so late.

Ace of pentacles and Ace of Swords reversed. During the full moon. Must keep a grip on all of the emotions that can swirl all around. Naptime!

5 of pentacles showed up again yesterday, reversed.

Phew. At the very least it is over and done and I do not have to worry about it any more. I am not sure that I am ready to process just yet but I will try. I asked the cards how I should feel about it and they said death and devil reversed. So does that mean that I should change the way that I feel or that a huge change happened? I don't know.

The night started out scary, the tune that had been sent out with changes was in a different key so I just struggled with it all night. This is my greatest embarrassment I think, because the guy sent out a chart and asked everyone to know it and I didn't. Granted his chart was in the wrong key but this is something that I need to be able to do. I felt like my nerves got in the way, but I hope that by laying out I first did no harm. I guess that was my ultimate goal, I am just unable to determine if I was successful or not.

Things were moving along and I felt like I was getting into the groove on the cello a bit. I was sitting by Sonia who was incredibly positive and complimentary. At some point early on I was summoned by Corky to work out a tune for his set, which was the best and most amazing part of the evening, we did this little blues on the cello and harmonica that culminated in hi jinks and shenanigans with me getting a standing O for I think being a good sport more than anything. I was not feeling like I deserved it one little bit so I am a little mortified about it all. It was a high energy number, I'll give it that. The rest of the night went a little better until the finale where I just could not summon the correct chord to save my life. I swear, if I could have just played that one tune the whole night would have felt like a victory but as it is I am just hoping that my ineptitude didn't ruin the recording.

So much conflicting emotion this morning. Oh yeah, and while I thought I was taking it easy during my yoga practice yesterday I really did a number on my hips. Quite sore today plus I aggravated the hip pain thing so that I was having a hard time walking on it so today I will, I think, just knit and listen to some f8 records.

----------------
Listening to: The White Stripes - The Hardest Button To Button

2 of pentacles reversed and the Devil. Today I am very nervous and obsessively envisioning decapitation and dismemberment. I can stop but when I stop stopping it's there again. Anne was nice last night and reminded me that it's just a jam so I'm going to try to ignore the whole stage and lights part and maybe it'll feel like just a jam. Mostly I hope I don't lose it when they start talking about his poor son who was still in the womb and will only ever know that daddy was so horrifically done away with. It is all very upsetting and I seem to need to think about it without making it easier.

I am amused with myself, I signed up to get these emails to remind me to go walk every day and now I actually do it. Now that I don't have to tell myself to do it, but rather get to delete an email and feel all accomplished and stuff then I go do it. I am a silly. The emails are nice, though, they are building up to a 5k walk which is what I'd need to be doing every day to make it to the woods and back, or maybe a little more...

----------------
Listening to: Neil Young - The Losing End (When You're On)

Ella's Plating Masterpiece

Ella's Plating Masterpiece
Originally uploaded by gurley

Ella was helping to make dinner the other night and decided she wanted her dinner plated like a flower. Mostly I just really like her fabulous smile...

6 of Swords Reversed and again with the 4 of swords.

I am so not looking forward to teen aged angst. Abbey was a stinker at her piano class yesterday. She got in big trouble and was sent to bed right after dinner with nothing to do. It was almost worse for me than it was for her, I don't know how you teach people to give a shit about other people but hopefully talking about it a lot works.

----------------
Listening to: Television - See No Evil (Alternate Version)

Today we have the knight of cups reversed and the 4 of swords. The knight of cups is my soggy husband who likes to sleep in and declare "day off" privileges. The 4 of swords is what I need to do with this nervous energy which was only exacerbated by my rehearsal yesterday. I am so close to being so brilliant in this style but it saps my noggin after a few hours. It is hard to put the time in but it is what Needs Doing.

Yoga was HARDS today so I did hard things. It was trying to stop the thoughts, they just kept spinning around and bugging me. It is also hard to re-direct the energy. I have become so used to sending it up that it requires a bit of work to turn it around but I can feel it working already. I've been trying to find more info and more teachings about pranayama, it is the next thing that needs my attention for my home practice. I shall put the call out.

I've also been thinking about trying to do some dream analysis, but I'm not really sure where to start with that since I don't really remember my dreams currently, but I'd like to and I'd like to know what's going on up there...

----------------
Listening to: Booker T. & The MG's - No Matter What Shape

Today we have, again, the ace of wands, but this time coupled with the 7 of wands reversed. I shuffle each deck 3 times before I pull a card, so to pull these same cards all the time is significant. The ace of wands is the fullest expression of the basic element of fire. I have been having a sort of recurring thought, that the imbalance in my hips could be causing some of the root chakra blocking that I have been wondering about. So I decided a few days ago, the day before I started drawing this ace, to try and draw the energy that I always feel spewing out of the top of my head down into my root, really to draw everything down and integrate it all before rejecting anything. It would seem that I have been keeping everything up top. The 7 reversed is about being nervous, which I am. I am practicing today with the group for fodfest and I am nervous about that. I do not feel like I am inordinately nervous or anything, but it is the prevailing emotion.

Oh, and the music librarian project is finally done, all widows and orphans are loaded. We had about 80 gig of music floating around without a home and now it is all filed. I still have several large stacks of live shows, but they will be filed in books which I have to buy one at a time over a larger period of time so that project is not keeping me from my life. This other one was starting to so I am glad it is done.

Ace of wands and again with the 5 of pentacles reversed. That makes twice this week for that 5 of pents.

There is a Polish grandma lady holocaust survivor living across the street. she is from John's old neighborhood. Her husband died recently and now she is being shuttled between her kids and grandkids, whoever can take her. She is sad. I just met her walking on my way home from yoga and she started to cry because she misses her husband and she knows that she is in the way.



----------------
Listening to: Concrete Blonde - Ghost of a Texas Ladies Man

Hello Scorpio

The world and the 2 of swords reversed. This morning when the alarm went off it was that fastball tune, I do not know what it means except to be another synchronicity to follow around all day. I am feeling strangely energized and alert. very much not 2 of swords, so perhaps the reverse is just the opposite today. I love this feeling, though, of being so excited about something even if I'm not sure what it is.

----------------
Listening to: Fastball - The Way

ha ha ha ha

Much better today, Queen of Pentacles and 7 of Pentacles. So many pentacles this week. It's funny, pulling scary tarot cards makes me do yoga pronto and it always seems to fix the problem. For all of the scary cards, though, yesterday was an easy day. No screaming or crying until right there at the end.

Abbey and Ella have this imaginary game that they play call "Danielle and Shoatza" where Abbey is Danielle and Ella is Shoatza and they have adventures. It is funny.

Oh yeah, that reminds me of my awesome book that I was reading but now have finished. It would seem that the point and purpose of this life is to make beautiful experiences and laugh a lot. All of the other stuff that seems so necessary just isn't. We are blessed to be in 3-d because this is the only dimension where there is actual physical experience. Even though it sort of hurts sometimes, and sometimes a lot, that's the trade off.



----------------
Now playing: Beastie Boys - Body Movin'
via FoxyTunes

Noticed something during yoga practice today, I noticed that it would be OK to do really just exactly what I want to do, and that it would be good to practice doing that always.

----------------
Now playing: Primus - Sgt. Baker
via FoxyTunes

chaos, disorder, delusion and confusion

Queen of Cups reversed and 5 of Pentacles reversed. Sometimes it's not really that fun to play with these things. Dishonorable and depraved with creative forces lurching out of control, along with chaos, disorder, delusion and confusion. woohoo. I get that 5 of pents a lot, right side up and upside down.

Abbey was up and at em early this morning to go to running club. There was a Daisy meeting last evening. I'm glad that Abbey likes to go but it is a group that I am having a hard time finding a fit with. It just seems like a lot of stuff is falling through the cracks. I suppose I should just offer to help more, but I find myself fairly highly irritated by these folks and am concerned that I might let some of that out of the cage if I spend too much time with them.

chaos, disorder, delusion and confusion

----------------
Now playing: Wilco - Heavy Metal Drummer
via FoxyTunes

Recognition of Ignorance

8 of Swords and Knight of Pentacles. The 8 of swords is the gate for social awareness. The knight of Pentacles overlooks his magical gifts in favor of hard work and service. This reminds me, the book I am reading is some sort of synchronicity magnet. Whatever I am reading about in there somehow plays itself out into happening somewhere else, sort of a lot. So these cards are apt for the part I was reading yesterday.

Ella just called me into the shower to show me the drum that she made out of a plastic cup and a washcloth.

I am awaiting the piano tuner, at which time Ella and I must vacate to somewhere. The library here does not open until late. Maybe we'll go to Target.

I need to start feeling stress for my Idiom project so that I will do it, it has been in the backseat for far too long for as interesting as it promises to be.

----------------
Now playing: King Crimson - Larks Tongues In Aspic, Part One
via FoxyTunes

Dear Phish - Thank you for the list of kick ass albums to check out or give a re-listen to. This Kiss stuff? sucks. Thank you good bye

When I think of Kiss I am reminded of Tito Espinoza from Kindergarten who loved Kiss and also loved kicking cute girls in the shins. He would use his heel to dig the Kiss symbol in the sand and then chase some poor girl over and kick her by it. yay!

Yesterday I drew Temperance and the Hierophant. We had been to a wedding the night before where I had too much wine. And then I was off to a rehearsal with a guy that we hired to come in and give us tips and pointers. I love when the cards are so obvious and easy.

Today I drew the World and the 5 of Swords. Perhaps I need to make everything into a fun game and I'll, like, win or something. I do not think that is the point...

----------------
Now playing: Kiss - Hard Luck Woman (Live)
via FoxyTunes

Hmmm, 4 of Swords Reversed and the Tower. Weird, what can this mean? The 4's are usually structure of some sort, which relates to the tower, but to have them reversed means the structure is altered? The card showed the princess sleeping on her tower of mattresses with that little pea giving her so much grief. The tower is the highest level card that I seem to get more than once in a blue moon, and I am always befuddled by it's warnings of conforming to the surface pursuits of life. Hmmm. Perhaps the events of the day will bring some insight.

Missed yoga again this week, I am getting antsy to start my moon as she is several days late and this is not the usual at all. This harvest moon is also my conceiving moon so perhaps my world is just reminiscing or something, but I might explode if something doesn't rectify soonish.

Ella is snuffled. Poor little Ella. I dreamed last night that I was hooked up to the flu meter, and the line that indicated flu was right in the center while my peg was just underneath it. I do not feel out of sorts except for my tardy friend but maybe I am fighting something.

It is 1985 on flashback, I am curious.

Today's cards: 10 of Pentacles and Ace of Cups. The 10 of pentacles is a lot like our little house here. There is magic oozing from every crevice but it isn't always perceived. The ace of cups came after I pulled death while looking at Ella. I had to put that one back and try again so the cups with their accepting everything message was appropriate I suppose.

I had a fun time with my parents and at the concert last night. I didn't realize how nervous I was that they would be bored with the stuff that wasn't my part but it turned out to be the percussion ensemble which is quite good and always interesting and then 2 choirs that Abbey liked. And even my part was judged not toooooo boring. We got to come up on the riser and I had to quick plug the amps in and then play which was a little tricky. I was glad there were no horrendous injuries, stages are fucking dangerous if you ask me.

Off to take little Ella to school, she is snuffly but she wants to go.

----------------
Now playing: Phish - Guantanamo Strut
via FoxyTunes

Queen of Rods and Justice reversed. Amazingly I had pulled justice reversed first but I put it back because I didn't want to think about that today, but then when it came up again I stopped blocking it. Starting with the Queen, Rods is my favorite and the one that I most self identify with, so when I pull it it is usually me. I'm not so sure today, though, I think it is just the essence of the rods as is applies to me. I was worried about the justice reversed because I thought it would analyze out as me being unfair but after sitting with it for a minute I do not think so. This morning I got up at my usual time to get Abbey ready for school. John took the day off because he is helping me with my concert later. He was still lying in bed at 8 when Ella decided to watch a show and since I was getting ready to start practicing I didn't see why he couldn't go lie around downstairs with Ella and her show while I got some work done. No stomping around necessary, really. So rather than me being unfair it was unfairness happening to me, which is often a problem for me to distinguish right off the bat.

And now it's time for music class
----------------
Now playing: Joni Mitchell - Coyote
via FoxyTunes

How things are

3 of wands and 3 of pentacles reversed. Lots of 3's. I had a dream last night that John and I were in a riverside bunker with some unknown people while the kids played outside. Next thing I knew the river was raging more than any river I have ever seen, it had covered our bunker and was crashing and bashing like the wave exhibit at the zoo and I knew that there was no way that anyone outside could still be there. Then I woke up. So, what is this water and why is it sweeping away my family?

I have been going through our stacks of CD's that do not have cases and are living in spindles, discs that have no artist information and maybe a title but definitely no track listing. If they look interesting I have been loading them onto our new storage device which holds a terrabyte of information. I have found a lot of great music that I have not heard very much if at all and made it accessible with all of the pertinent info at my fingertips since it is all on the computer. I am not intending to put my whole music collection on this thing, a terrabyte is not nearly enough space to attempt a project like that plus stuff that is filed or has a case and can be filed in the shelf should be. I just want to be able to find and listen to anything in particular as well as hit the shuffle button and learn new things. Then yesterday I was informed that I am stupid for doing this because now that data is duplicated?! First of all, I am not stupid. Secondly, this music is now being listened to whereas before it was sitting in a spindle collecting dust up on top of a shelf where I had to get a steppy stool to get at it. If having duplicate data is such a problem than just pitch the spindle, otherwise it can live up on it's shelf forever for all I care.

Yeah. It's working for me.

----------------
Now playing: Art Blakey - Abdallah's Delight
via FoxyTunes

Today's cards - 3 of Swords and the Empress. I can already relate them both to this morning and last evening. The 3 of Swords is a familiar sorrow, that I am learning to accept and integrate in order to move past. This particular manifestation had to do with being screamed at like I was a child in front of my children by my partner who is supposed to be rather more partnery than that if you ask me. I am actively working to address this issue, though, by trying to only respond calmly to the screaming, although that can be tough sometimes. The Empress is also a common emotion in this part of my life where I have small people around all the time who could be considered subjects I suppose. I do not really like to think of them like that, but they do need guidance and lots of help with stuff so in that way it is apt.

I'm having so much fun playing with the new computer I have been neglecting my other projects but having a little break from them feels OK too.

I am patiently waiting for my DVD of Genitalio, and I have 2 transcriptions to work out but still 2 weeks before they are needed. There is a big band gig and cd recording upcoming as well as a small band gig which earns scratch. There is the Matt and Dirk at Matt's Church thing, possibly Fodfest with Anne and some appearances at Border's mixed in. Idiom is still on track to open for Macabre on Dec. 26. Brutal.



----------------
Now playing: Miles Davis - He Loved Him Madly
via FoxyTunes

New Stuff

We are a household of new computers, updated to this century finally. I am paralyzed with the possibilities. Watch here for more updates.

----------------
Now playing: Joni Mitchell - Song For Sharon
via FoxyTunes

Got a Blank Space

where my mind should be...

I had initially, on hearing these lyrics, thought of them as a sort of negative. Like, suppose somebody had done something horrific and now could only think in the nothings of what horrific things leave of our lives. And I think that they do mean that, but today while I was practicing I had another thought about them as I was striving to clear my mind of all thought I realized that I was striving for that blank space, and that the memories of being free of bodily concerns is the driving force behind why to practice. So I will try to steal time from my faulty plans and spend time on the less faulty ones...

In other news I have been going to class on the weekends and being re-inspired. This weekend I went to my usual saturday morning class which didn't push me very hard so I also went on sunday. It all started out really hard, in that I am used to practicing by myself and breathing in and out as I see fit, but invariably when I was beginning the inhale the teacher would say "exhale and do whatever" which just kept throwing me off balance. She seemed to be out of whack a bit, her directions weren't very clear and I found myself having to look around for confirmation of what was going on more than I'd like. But then we got to the inversion part of the show where she called for forearm stand and I thought, ooh, I think I might be able to do that so I just pretended that I could and up I went. It was magical and easy and made all of the other crap worthwhile. So today while I was practicing in my tripod headstand I decided to go on up a little and boy was that magnificent. So I am all studly yoga lady now, but then I drew the 5 of pentacles which always reminds me to stay humble and not get all big headed.

but it sure was fun

Bus

Abbey climbed on the bus and was whooshed off, I thought I might have a moment about that but my moment is instead about how now Ella and I have these 2 days a week together just us and I'm not sure why that is seeming so special today but it is.

The first of many

Today was my first day of having a little guaranteed time to myself on a regular scheduled basis, and oh my lordy was it ever amazing. I put on my next in line Phish show and started out with some sun salutations. It was hard to block out the voices and the plannings, so I abandoned my regularly scheduled ashtanga short form and dug out that ana forest ab thing that I have been meaning to check out. woo, yeah, I'll be doing that a lot before I can actually do it... So then I'm trying to figure out what to do next and I remember back last year when I was doing a lot of stuff out of the jivamukti book, so I haul that out and it was like putting on the old poncho that fits perfectly, and then that first little part of bouncin came on and I learned that the woman in the dream I had is ME.

Working

The transcription is finished! The plan worked, and with only slight but annoying resistance. I put everything aside for it, though and now I am feeling weak and lazy. Tonight I am to get my kidney looked at more closely to rule out I dare not speculate what and also to check if I have any more stones. This weekend I am playing Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. This week I have at least 2 other rehearsals. There are 2 CD's in my immediate future with their itinerant rehearsals. Oh yes, and I need new strings.

Trail of Tears

One of Abbey's favorite things to do this summer has been to work on her State workbooks. I think they are a Highlights thing, every so often we get a workbook and a map of a state in the mail and then Abbey goes to town and learns a lot about that state and she's getting quite good at getting around the map. All of which is good. Oklahoma came the other day, so we started to work on it. Then we get to the word search page. It is a very long list full of eastern native tribes. Here is an excerpt from the text,

Alex is amazed to learn that one-third of the Native Americans who live in the United States live in Oklahoma!

So I explain to Abbey why it is that all of these people live in Oklahoma. About the forced relocation of so many people to this inhospitable area and about how it was better for them to move because otherwise they would be killed. Poor Abbey, she was horrified. All she could ask was "why? why would they do that? Why couldn't they just be neighbors?" And I really wish Andrew Jackson was here to answer her, here in this world in this life to answer for all of that mess. But he is not and it happened and the fact of the matter is I would rather for her to learn about how terrible people are and can be to each other sooner and from me rather than later and from some random. It was so sad, though and neither of us felt like doing the word search after that.

1984.12.1

Setlist

12/1/84 Nectar's, Burlington, VT

Scarlet Begonias > Fire > Fire on the Mountain, Makisupa Policeman, Slave to the Traffic Light, Spanish Flea*, Don't Want You No More, Cities, Skippy the Wondermouse**, Fluffhead**

E: Eyes of the World

First gig at Nectar's and earliest circulating tape (May be the first taped gig). With Marc Daubert (who was a member of the band at the time, though only briefly so). *Includes band introduction. **With the Dude of Life on vocals.

Fade into Scarlet Begonias, Trey's solo is reminiscent of Jerry, there has been transcription and study. Then there is a slightly awkward key change down into the key for Fire, but there is no train wreck, things are quickly righted and the Fire continues on unabated. There are some inconsistencies with the form of the tune, is it time for the guitar solo or the verse? This guitar solo is less interesting than the one from Begonias, more wanking and less melody. Perhaps it's harder to channel Jimi than Jerry? It seems like the parts where Trey shine through sound good and the parts where Trey is trying to hard to be Jimi are less fluid. The composed section from Fire to Fire on the Mountain is clumsy. The whole step descent into the new key didn't work earlier and still doesn't. This is a nice version of this tune, though, lots to like.

Hey Makisupa Policeman, there is some guitar noodling that sounds suspiciously like an attempt at communication. The backing vocals are not good, wrong and bad! And what is that weird vibrato thing that Trey is doing with his voice? It is different from the old man vibrato currently employed. They are silly laughing sillies.

Stage banter about the parking problem in Burlington, it is hard to hear because this recording is from the 80's.

Slave to the Traffic Light is out of tune, otherwise unchanged in how many years? If it ain't broke...

Herb Alpert is up next with his Spanish Flea for the band introductions, everyone has their regular name except for Fishman on woodblock (funky mcwallic urias gerard mclinton?) I dunno, hard to hear on that one... but then there is jon fishman on drums... The end to this tune is pretty sloppy and finally the old shave and a haircut, nobody can miss that!

Don't Want You No More Only time played so far, I did not know that this was from the Allman's via the Spencer Davis group, yay for learning. This is a nice cooking version of this song. Everyone in this group is already playing at quite a high level and they are already starting to demonstrate the group mind. And there is Cities, what a nice segue!

Cities is not much changed either, and now we are off into the drumz portion of our show. Not enough bands let the drummers have their moment often enough. I guess there are some folks who really don't like it, but I for one wouldn't mind if every show had a drumz. I particularly like the woodblock stuff about 3 minutes in.

And now we have Skippy the Wondermouse. What do you know? It's McGrupp! Oh yes, and the Dude of Life. I am not sad that he doesn't come around much anymore. Hearing this skippy just after the Spanish Flea I am hearing a little similarity in the groove at the beginning, I suppose they are both in 6. Wow, this song is really not quite so clever as some phish that I love, I can see why they changed it.

And now we are into Fluffhead. This version has some more spice here at the get go, and the Dude's twang makes it sound sort of bluegrassy. Woohoo hang on there fellas it's really fast!

This Eyes is also quite nice, not too fast. The end is particularly nice, I think I would have had a fun time at this show and these guys are already really good.

In Sickness and in Health

So this past week I have been out of sorts, un-motivated, tired. I was also having some intestinal weirdness that was sort of like the monthly cycle but at really the wrong part of the month and sort of like I ate something that was off except I didn't... Some emotional stuff was going on also, I get really tired of the Friday evening that my husband likes to partake in, unless I go partake in it with him I am left to my own devices and it was starting to hurt my feelings even though I know I should just enjoy my alone time when I can get it. Then Saturday dawns with me feeling under the gun. I've got a transcription that needs doing and until it is done I am going to be a ball of stress about it. I also had a lesson on the docket and a gig at Borders. I was just about to sit down and start to work on the transcription when the doorbell rang and there was John's charge for the day, he had offered to watch his buddy's daughter and there she was. All of a sudden I was rethinking the transcription. How in the heck would I be able to hear and concentrate with 3 little girls doing their little girl thing? Not.

So I went to the bathroom and was attacked by a kidney stone. It was as if the universe said to me, ha ha you just think you have something to do today! Not! And really, they can last for more than a day or two, which is terrifying to envision from that moment of first attack.

I am becoming an old pro at ejecting things from myself at this point. Assume cow position and moo.

Meanwhile, John had acquired one of those crazy Oxycontin pills which I proceeded to take out of fear for the future, I am not sure if it did me any good or not, I think the stone had passed already but I got a nice nap out of it all. And than I got to be wackered out all day but really, I had a bunch of stuff to do! I noticed when the pill started to wear off, too and I am not at all surprised to learn that they are incredibly addictive. Yes, yes they are.

I had another small stone today and I took something else. Ibuprofen or something.

ugh

She used to be a vampire child

She used to be a vampire child
Originally uploaded by gurley

Poor Ella got bit by something horrid while we were camping and her forehead swelled up just like the buffy vampires. freaky.

Camping

I think I have developed a small amount of hate for Wisconsin. There are too many bugs. Watching your child be swarmed by mosquitos is a horrifying experience. Besides the abortive hiking experience we had an adventure. Lots of playing at the park by the bathrooms. Abbey is getting the swing figured out and made it all the way across the monkey bars. She is growing into herself a little more, I like for her coordination to make a go at keeping up with her brain. When she is confident she can do anything, which is why I think she and school work so well together. Ella is generally content to let Abbey do it and then watch what happens. Can't say I blame her.

I do not like doritos, or potatoes cooked in pork juice. Or drunken husbands who yell and pick fights and then sleep all day while protesting that this is "relaxing". What it is, is it is selfish to have such demanding needs that require that someone else take on more that the usual amount of the load for an extended time during what is also supposed to be their time to relax.

Kiddie Land vs. Idiom Premier

from Phish.com - What if I am not camping, where do I park? If you are not camping you will need to park in Day Parking, ride one of the many private shuttles or be dropped off at the designated drop off area. If you are dropped off by your mom, make sure to give her a kiss goodbye. Seriously, moms are totally underappreciated.

And here is the part of the blog where I make it all about me for the bitching a moaning. Today is the day that my new band is having our first ever show. I am pre-occupied with it and quite nervous. Today is also the day that my in law people have chosen to take the kiddos to Kiddie Land. I have tried to no avail to point out that I am busy on Friday afternoons in general. That may be the time that the 9 to 5ers like to play hookey from their drudgery but for me it is not. And today in particular is the day of my first show in how long? I really wish I could practice and meditate all day but no. And I am not feeling patient and loving which is required if one takes their spawn to the crazy making amusement park.

But I will go and it will be fun and I'm making it the most not fun by being a stinker about my needs and how they are never taken into consideration when these things are planned. Friday's are bad, if you must go on Friday then the morning is best so when is it? Friday afternoon! Yay!

And then later hopefully cross your fingers I do not make a mockery of myself trying to play fast and loud in front of people who may have paid money to see me.

Oh yes, and did I mention that the last time these said in laws came to see me play the drunk guy got in a yelling fight with a mom whose small child was taking too long to use the facility? Needless to say I will never feel like inviting them to anything ever again. How embarassing.

Cheesecake!

The gig yesterday was at the Eli's factory. I was unprepared for the elements, I am spoiled by having things provided and I need to bring my own. I need to get one of those plexiglass dealies. Actually, I think the universe i telling me I need to just know these tunes and not need the music anymore. These tunes are in there, everybody has them in there it's just a matter of getting them out on command. I can feel the knowledge starting to creep around the sides of my ears. I feel a step slow, though, and it's all fitness. yoga and practicing are lacking day to day, and in not doing those important things I am also not doing so many less important things. Why is that so hard to remember? Or enforce, rather. Payment for this gig, was abysmal. We got a free lunch and a cheesecake, but the vegetarian option was a side of hummus with super greasy grilled pitas. It was hardly fit for consumption. The cheesecake was alright I guess, but I don't need shit like that in my house so I gave it to Mimi. All in all I cannot recommend the Eli's factory for fun on a Thursday afternoon unless you get to bring your bass and play some music.

Practicing

Is of course as always front center of my agenda. Shaping the flow of it and trying to control it are my favorite frustrations.

Must plan Ella's birthday stuff! Must make invitations this morning and pass them out this week.

off to do eeet

Adventures with Phish or how love can save the world

So my intentions for this weekend with Phish were to try and be as open to the experience as possible and to keep the love channel tuned in at all times.

First revelation #1, it came out in a "discussion" while we were getting our gear ready and packed that my partner in this world does not think that I focus enough "effort" towards the housecleaning aspects of our life. Aha! So that was really nice to be able to put that one into the process bin and out of the utter confusion bin.

So, off we go. "Camping" would seem to be no longer available in any semblance of the word around Deer Creek. We got reamed for 50 dollars to camp at dead creek where our reservation was only as good as the amount of space we needed to park our car and pitch our little 2 man tent. Fortunately we are smiley and got just about the last space that wasn't actually IN the road, meanwhile there were how many sites that had arrived early and had so much space, but whatever.

This year we had no spring whatsoever. It ceased to be cold all the time but rained and rained and rained and rained and was chilly. Then it was 90. And humid. So we chose to ride the shuttle rather than walk the mile or whatever in the hot because the shuttle was air conditioned! Liars! So hot in there, we cooked. But finally to the lot.

During the months and weeks leading up to these shows they seemed surreal and un-imaginable. We sat down by the pond, under the tree, where we have sat so many times before but it was different. Not bad, not at all, just older and wiser and more ready than ever. We wandered the lots and waited for Kara and Thom and then they were there! And then we were in and then we were sitting on the lawn right in front of the screen waiting. Still waiting. And then there was Phish! And then they were playing and then I had to take a moment. And then it was better than ever and I was able to hook in to that hose they were using. I thought the music was amazingly well played and truly spot on as cliche as that sounds. I have not listened back yet but I am definitely going to have to check out Trey's jam in the melt again because, um, melty! And I also want to transcribe everything about that Lawnboy and take it to Border's.

Meanwhile, back on earth there was a massive lightening storm brewing on the horizon. During setbreak I asked a yellow shirt if we were safe on the lawn and they were completely honest and said "No. You guys are going to be asked to go to your cars and wait the storm out." Thankfully Kara and Thom had their truck with the futon in the back so we all piled in. Else we had no car and would have had to endure the lightening storm out doors. Have I ever mentioned how much I love my friend Kara? She is such a little gem, I feel terribly lucky to follow her around.

Then the storm was over and we went back in for the second set. Missed a little bit of the opener but it seemed like they were waiting on us. The crowd control was absolutely non existent. It was just like the Dead show at the horizon last month, it was like, the president of the US is a fan and told them to be nice or something. I was thinking then, before the makisupa Alpine experience. But really, we just walked right in after the rain delay no muss no fuss no stub no nothing. And it didn't really seem extra crowded or anything, we pretty much got our fancy spot back by the screen and everything. I think, or maybe we didn't but we were close.

After the show the rains came and we trudged around in the mud until we came to our campsite where we had left the car windows cracked and the tent tied open. Fortunately nothing was really that wet?! It was Miracle #1 or maybe #2.

Up bright and early so as not to be run over and killed and also to get the hell out of dodge and back up the road. Went to the most crowded starbucks ever but fortunately with north indy worker bees rather than hippies so I could really use the washroom to it's fullest and I left it how I found it thank you very much. Then we drove home and had a real shower and drove on up to Wisconsin where I had the best Subway ever. Got to our campsite and set up camp, up stroll 2 girls who want to share our space because the place is sold out. We have lots of space so sure.

head to the show, find the scooters, proceed to the most annoying spot and get stuck there for the entire show, make elaborate plans inside mind for making tomorrow better, lose vision for part of the evening work work workin hard to have a good time but succeeding. John was set on repeat with that dylan tune, walkin down the line, I'm walkin down the line, I'm walking down the line, my feet'll be flyin to tell about my troubled mind.

Day 3 last day. We get up and our camp mates turn out to be nice folks, the one girl did a yoga class for those of us who wanted to which was really just what the dr. ordered. Then she proceeded to set up her massage chair and do that for everybody, then her buddy gave me 2 necklaces for the girls which I had also intended to get in the lots but there was NO VENDING AT ALPINE.

So we head to the show. Today there is to be no messing around I wanna be in front. We head to the front of the lawn and stake out our little space and it was an amazing evening. Our space was magical.

Several more miracles later and we made it home in one piece. Clocks are completely reset.

woohoo

Tales from a Suck Gig

So I've been trying to carve out the time to make myself practice all week, but as it is always the way of things I was going to have to really work for it and I just didn't have it in me. The girls were so very needy and anyway, needless to say I played for all of about 10 minutes all week. So on my way over to rehearsal I start picking on my fingernails because I never learn. So I accidently rip my right hand plucker's nail off a good little way into the quick. yeah, right before the 5 hours that I am not prepared or in shape for. I hate to sound like a whiner, I'm really just mentioning it in the context of the day. So I have that rehearsal and muddle through, it's only a rehearsal so I don't have to worry too much about it but it's a three hour rehearsal with it's own challenges.... Anyway, I get over to Borders for the gig and I'm really looking forward to playing, we have some new music that should be a lot easier to read through and hopefully we'll have fewer of those train wreck moments that seem to make this group both exciting and terrifying. The - My god he's gonna hit the top of the head here?! - sort of stuff, and the - Holy shit where are we now - kind of wackiness that I haven't had happen to me since grade school. But alas, Anne didn't show so no solid time. And for some reason Les' equipment was emitting a horrid and terrible fuzz and distortion on his low end which this fucker in the front row decided must be coming from the horrid bass guitar so it must be turned down and now! Oh no he was not going to sit right there in the front row right the fuck in front of the pa speaker and have to hear a bass guitar sound so horrid. Yeah. it's not me. my shit works. So he complained loudly about the bass for the whole first several tunes until I was seriously turned so far down that I could not hear myself and I am the only thing that keeps the band together when it gets off the rails but I could not step in and assert myself because that fucker had made me turn so far down and I had no finger nail with which to make volume. So it was horrible and no fun and we sounded really bad and I hate that feeling.

But today, is a new day, and it is my birthday and it is also Abbey's birthday so I will try to make her day the best day that she will love the best because she is 6 and has definite opinions about such things. She wanted to wake up at Grandma's and get the grandma birthday treatment and I do not blame her one little bit.

And on that note see my sidebar for my new favorite birthday song

Abbey's Reading Philosophy

The first step to reading is recognizing symbols.

So I was just browsing around and saw the new Twilight promo with all of those hot native dudes and I was just thinking how Ed from Northern Exposure is the hottest, so I wonder, hmm, what's Ed up to these days so I am looking around and find that I can add him to my list of famous people born in Winfield. Winfield is the place where my parents met, it is the place where Phil Lesh's mother was born and has been sort of prominent lately because I am trying hard to get my family and myself or at least just myself down to the bluegrass festival that is held therein.

Hmmm

so I did it. I joined up with the heavy metal marimba band. It's a whole lot of nothing right now, there are no other members that I can tell but the record is just lacking bass. It's really interesting stuff and very zappa esque with some seriously chop oriented fastness. I've gotta say that so far I like it.

hmmm.

Ouch

Dabbers showed up at 2 with nightmares so I ended up on the couch. Our couch is a love seat. Not sure what she's nightmaring about, yesterday was pretty regular. She has discovered the joys of serial literature. Yesterday as she finished Ruby the Red Fairy she came a running to tell me that "Mama! We have to get the next book so I can find out what happens next!" So I head to the internet where I find that the series goes on for 88 books with more planned. And now I am really behind on my reading because I wanna read her stuff too. And then I had this incredibly funny thought that maybe Daisy Meadows (the author) is actually Tom the bad neighbor. HA HA

So yesterday while getting into the first of the sun sals brokedown palace came on the show I was listening to and all of a sudden I was Jerry lying there by himself dying on that bed like he did. I am trying to document these things that happen on the mat where I'm gone and someone else is here, not sure why.

Everything just really goes so much better when I DO the yoga.

that is all

guarding against fingertip bruising

I hate it when that happens. Today I am off to audition for a marimba fronted heavy metal band. Could be interesting. Then comes Outskirts rehearsal, where I shall employ tree pose and a loud ohm at that one that is always after my goat.

I finally have found a yarn a pattern combination with which to make my next thing(s?), I felt like the tibetan sand painter guys yesterday when I frogged my almost completed and almost 100g intricately cabled glove, which was just the wrong size. John felt that they insulted his manhood so I was left with the task of completing the first and making the second without the inspiration of knowing that I would enjoy them or even knowing WHO would, and I am not interested in making this project for random OTHER, this yarn is for me or mine.

But now I have learned to make the most awesomest sock cuff ever and I think I need to go and invest in some washing machine bags. If folks would keep the hand knits out of the dryer I wouldn't have to suffer the loss of so many I do not think.

The Bad Plus

Is playing at 10:30 tonight. I have tickets. I'm not sure what I'm going to do to stay awake for it, other than come home for a nap after my lesson.

I have a new student, he is smart and funny. I feel like Mrs. Bennet, I can't help but wonder which of these kids are going to keep hanging around.

Ella peed at school yesterday and has been having episodes at night. We're all sort of running on stress fumes right now. I am pushing everyone to give me a little more space. We're all gearing up for me to leave for the longest time ever.

Page of swords reversed, and the hanged man. Feeling a little sensitive and ignored, but I should just get used to that as it is par for the course and really is a benefit to me in that I am free to do and think what I want. It is unfortunate that I cannot seem to interest anyone else in these things, but that cannot concern me.

Major decision of the day: Ballet or scouts? I am totally on the side of ballet but dabbers gets so sad when it runs over and we don't make it back for scouts. I am about done with scouts because after this entire year of asking to be put on the stupid parent announcement e-mail list so that I can know what is going on no one can seem to put me on this list. I do not know what is going on. I am seriously annoyed, and do not really want to be in their club anymore. It does not help that the person in charge reeks of cigarettes. I know I am a huge hippiecrit but I've got a list and that's on it. I am about done with organized anything in this town.

This post brought to you by the letters PMS

fucking hate the big 10 and I fucking hate fucking roy williams.

there. I said that too.

Ooooh, but I got a new Ashtanga book that has a page for each pose with all of my needed variations so that I can just dig in on that TODAY. That'll help immensely...

Listening

Is what I'd like for all of us to work on. I read an article today about how a medical school in Texas is using jazz improvisation to teach would be doctors to listen, to not assume that you know and start preparing your response. My daughter Abbey is amazingly bad about this and I must admit that I was too at her age and probably much longer. We are wacky, though, with our duel personality aspects so she and I do both listen well in the musical setting, her time is impeccable. Mine is alright too. Where else can we improve listening? I shall be on the lookout all day

tragedy once removed

strikes again. And I have somehow bruised the bottom of my foot under where my big toe attaches. I think it is repetitive stress clutch foot injury. ouch.

I listened to a Terrence McKenna talk about novelty, and he said that the opposite of novelty is practice. how perfect is that? I have this vision of him in warrior 2 holding each of these things in his hands. And the beat goes on. Synchronicities abound, amazing things are afoot, are they amazing and wonderful or amazing and dreadful?

Ella is also a moon in Libra girl, Abbey's moon is in Taurus. This explains so much. Since there are 2 of us now I think we should just get a cleaning service.

hmmm, happy april. On to day 3 of boot camp, today is the easiest day, although every day is a challenge when the weather is so rainy. It is hard to play at the park in the rain. So I was prompted by a synchronicity the other day to investigate my natal chart a bit, specifically my sun and moon signs together and what they might mean and here is what I found:

The Libra Moon is the most artistic of the Moons. This Moon will do anything in order to avoid a conflict (and, in fact, all general unpleasantness), but needs to learn how to handle such conflicts and be aware that facing a problem head-on in the best method of dealing with it. The Libra Moon possesses exquisite taste and is a coordinating expert. This is a charming Moon with a gentle and peace-loving nature which desires a harmonious environment in beautiful surroundings. This Moon finds crude behavior, poor manners and foul language exceedingly offensive. The Libra Moon prefers shared rather than solitary experiences.

In general, the personality of those whose Moon sign is in Libra produces an individual who likes to make friends. These are very sociable souls who are attracted to people and situations that present a sense of balance. Those governed by the Libra Moon look for partnerships in all aspects of life...love, business and friendships. As perceived by others, those governed by the Moon in Libra are considered to be popular, affectionate and generous. In short, the life of the Libra Moon individual will likely revolve around people. Most often, this means only one person...one with a powerful persuasion over the life of the Libra Moon subject. Here, the inherent love of people, company and sociality can blind those ruled by the Libra Moon to the effects of others' influence, and personal judgment can easily be swayed by those around them. There is usually artistic potential, whether or not the Libra Moon person has explored it, and this explains the love of music, paintings and fine arts in general so often associated with Libra Moon individuals. Such persons have a good fashion sense coupled with a harmonious outlook on life...partnerships and balance are invariably the key themes. Libra Moon people are usually influenced by those around them and are much more productive in the company of others. Being both charming and creative, those governed by the Moon in Libra possess excellent diplomatic skills, but the ability to see both sides can sometimes lead to a "sitting on the fence" attitude. Nonetheless, such a person has the ability to be a wonderful peacemaker when others are locked in a dispute and findings are normally beautifully articulated. The Moon in Libra indicates a great love for taking on new projects, but a tendency toward boredom once the initial excitement begins to wear thin.

Libra Moon Influence On The Fire Signs
(Aries - Leo - Sagittarius)
Provides enhanced originality to the personality
as well as individual magnetism

Libra Moon Influence On The Air Signs
(Libra - Aquarius - Gemini)
Provides a popular aspect to the personality

Libra Moon Influence On The Earth Signs
(Capricorn - Taurus - Virgo)
Provides an increased aspect of creativity to the personality

Libra Moon Influence On The Water Signs
(Cancer - Scorpio - Pisces)
Provides a strong imagination and intuitive aspect to the personality

The Gemini Sun/Libra Moon combination produces a personality which is ethereal, lighthearted, bright and totally enjoyable. These are persons with a clever sense of humor and active wit. In a very charming way, Gemini natives ruled by a Libra Moon can usually persuade and cajole others to come around to their own personal way of thinking. This is considered to be a very favorable combination with regard to making influential friends and pursuing some type of professional career. However, these Gemini subjects do not have much taste for really hard work...particularly if it requires much concentration and sustained effort. They lead active lives, invariably combining business and pleasure to good advantage. Gemini subjects governed by a Libra Moon are independent souls and dislike the feeling of being "beholden" to anyone or any obligation. While these individuals can force themselves to undertake just about anything, nobody else will have much luck in trying to stimulate a sense of duty or obligation. Life is never dull for these persons because they stay so busy either traveling (which they adore), socializing, working and/or playing. Although somewhat high-strung, these Gemini natives rarely stay in a depressive mood or state for very long. Expressive, artistic and able to communicate on a variety of levels, these are natural extroverts. Indeed, Gemini subjects who fall under the jurisdication of a Libra Moon may be such a good conversationalists that their stories become very detailed, complex and long. Romantically, these are rather fickle individuals who are extremely demanding of total justice in all personal relationships.

from http://www.novareinna.com/constellation/geminimoon.html

boot camp

Is what I call it when John leaves town. We're all on it starting today until Thursday. One of my worries about these times is just how much I enjoy it, getting into our own 3 way rhythm. I wonder if I wreck their 3 way thing in the same way? Probably. So anyway, we're all going to get some work done. There was a taste of spring and the park but our cruel winter has returned. The mess in the girls room just has to be addressed, though, and maybe now is the time. I need storage shelves and bins and tubs and stuff, though. ah internets!

so every day starts with some cissy strut, and then a little funk #49. The practice disc, she is a fabulous invention, remember when we had to use tapes and rewind on the other side? I think Norah Jones is really on to something, does she do her own stylings or does she have a partner?

I am going to call the bass people this week, too and get that started. I need to get my hands on one to figure out if I can do fewer strings or if I really want them all, which I think I do...

yay

Boots

eff you man

so last night i got a text message at 7 saying something along the lines of "free beer catching a ride leaving now" which I did not respond to because it is just wrong on all of the levels. Then it was almost 9:00 before he actually walked through the door, or it might have been just past. It was a lot late.

I'm incredulous that I had to hear about him having to come home early for me to have band practice. I believe I shall have band practice every thursday from now until forever, and he shall come home and do kid duty, and then maybe I'll go to the jazz society meetings which are also on thursday evening and which I have never yet made it to. Yes, that will be the plan.

Yesterday I was reading about Tito Puente's latin record and how it was this mob guy's favorite kind of music so that's why it got made, and then the podcast player decided to play the tito puente jazz profiles podcast where he talked about how he had to make that record in the middle of the night and he felt very fortunate that the record company let him make it at all. And then I was reading something about the coasters and was drawn to look up the lead singer guy for some reason and turns out he's from Kansas, oh and Bob Syrup also did some time in Kansas in the 80's which is when I was also there. And Then I was listening to the terrence podcast and he was talking about how everyone needs to take their psychedelic medicine right now because it's the only catalyst of gnosis that will work.

Somebody snipped my blanket. No one will fess up. I am leaning towards Ella but I cannot be certain. Abbey was fevered that night and might not remember doing it. It's just the tiniest little snip. I tied a knot in it right away when I found it and it will have another part attached to it so I can re-inforce it again there. Whoever did it made just the tiniest little snip and didn't pull it, I think she knew she had been very naughty. I am sad that somebody is lying to me.

Cue Lightbulb

I've always been a little confused about the nature of our soul, and the process of re-incarnation, and how does it work when the population of the world keeps getting bigger but we have only a certain number of souls so there must be a disparity there, right? Maybe? And then yesterday I was reading my Daniel Pinchbeck book and he was talking about how there are some who believe that we are born without a soul and must earn it. Which sort of makes sense to me, although I would like to know how re-incarnation works in that situation, but perhaps some are born ensouled while others are not just because there aren't enough to go around. So perhaps we each build our soul over our various lifetimes but there is always that first life where you come in empty... This is making even less sense now than before so I must go do more research.

the wheel with the seven of pentacles. oposing cards, one means action and one means reflection after action. so I think I'll lay down some more bass tracks and then forget about it for awhile. But not until it gets a touch warmer down here, brrrrrrr.

yesterdays cards were appropriate, I find the recording process tedious to say the least especially when I'm the one hitting the record button. and crawling around with wires in my mouth. who wants to do that? bugs, that's who. yes I just compared recording people to bugs. steppy steppy

it's almost time to order the new bass... gotta wait for just a little more spring.

7 and 9 of wands today, which means that I shall meet with some resistance. The nightmares arrived at 3 am and it involved abbey being stuck outside on the porch. horrid.

So I did most of that stuff yesterday except for the groceries, and I have the audio interface thingy hooked up and working so now I just need to lay down some tracks and submit them. I'm not sure what to play but I think I'll just play a lot of stuff and whittle it down.

My brothers first girl friend was a twin. She and her brother were adopted because their mother was raped. I just learned that her brother was killed in the line of duty while trying to save a hostage. He didn't save her. And he died to. What a weird circle he had.

9 of swords and the magician. Nightmares and magic. Shall I use the magic to quell the nightmares? I'm not having nightmares... I guess I need to guard against them. I still am not sure what yesterday's cards mean either, but I did try to not act contrary to them all day so maybe I didn't get flattened by them.

I have a plane ticket to fly to the west coast in may.

I have tickets to see phish in june

today I plan to go to the grocery and the library and swimming lessons. And do yoga and practice some bass AND cello and also record something.

king of wands and judgement. I have no idea, all there is to do today is ballet; those are very action and interaction oriented cards but I see no one but the girlz today. and the ballet people. USUALLY

yesterdays cards were right, though, I had to bang my head against the mumsie wall but since I knew to just hang with it I didn't get all frustrated.

need to talk to gilmore about deer creek...

ace of pentacles and the hanged man. either I'm teaching a piano lesson this morning and then going off to mumsie's or I need to do lots of yoga if I want to make money?

The life without the computer was actually really quite nice so I've made a point of starting my day the way I did then rather than coming down here right off the bat first thing. Funny how hard that is for me...

I am teaching a new student today, I hope we can connect and get some trust going because she is little and that is all we will do for awhile I think.

I'm working on my Mockingbird transcription again, but I am feeling thwarted by my lack of interest in the technology. I need to find a nice clean copy and stick it in the computer so I can slow it down just a tad. Then I want to fix up hydrogen and then maybe do dog faced boy. Other projects include figuring out a mashup of walk on the wild side with howl with god bless the child. I think those are the 3 things I want to use but I need to get into it and see how it would really work or not.

and then there is the mitten! of course now that I have a lot of other fun stuff the knitting gets super fabulously fun. ain't it always they way?

brrrrrr

and the snow is reminding me of colorado. it's hip deep by the curb where the plows go. it's still pretty much fun, though it's not gotten melty and dirty yet. the pot holes have been fun and now we have a new tire. On the day that John and I actually finally agreed on a plan for the bass we have to fork over 100 bucks for a new tire. that's ok, though, he busted the tire. I don't drive that fast through the pothole infested areas, I'm not surprised he busted a tire. I mean, I know the potholes can really jump out and get you anywhere but he hits them a lot. Poor little car.

Finally this week we have every activity revved up again. I like it better when things are a little more regular. Less free time also means less free time to worry about filling with the wrong stuff.

so my crazy ass husband pulled another maneuver last evening. He teeters and totters on this line of total boozer and functional work guy. He is so proud of always being the go to guy at work and stuff, but the amount of alcohol these guys pour down around their work relationship is really a lot in my opinion. So last night there was an outage and I get a phone call saying that he's going to be on such and such a train that's really late! But you know, the trains run when they run so whatever. So then he comes home pretty late for having been on that train and tells me that he just got into it with his work buddy (who had just given him a ride home) because he thought this guy was too drunk to continue driving home. He said that they had almost killed themselves and everyone on the Stevenson. He didn't understand why I thought that he was entirely responsible. I am floored and flabbergasted. I've gone back and forth between being really critical and trying to bite my tongue about how stupid I think this all is, but if he fucking kills himself or someone else by getting in the car with some drunk asshole because he's being a drunk asshole that would really suck. a lot.

city kid

So we went downtown for ballet yesterday, there is indeed free parking, woohoo. The building is beautiful, with a lobby and a receptionist and happy dancer people who are happy to help new dancers and their mama. Ella really really loved it, Abbey thought it was too much like yoga. Ella and I took a walk during Abbey's class and there are 2 parks within an easy walk once the weather gets nicer. Couldn't be more pleased, really. And then there are the intangibles. City vs. Subarbs. I sat next to a dad who was a dead ringer for Tom Hulce in Amadeus. He did not stare at me like I had 2 heads with my weirdoness and there was no clique action going on with the parents at all. There were some folks who knew each other but they did not make me feel like they didn't want to know me, it's a subtle distinction. There were more parents completely involved in their own thing than parents chatting and I was free to ignore them all without feeling rude. It was awesome.

I had a grand revelation also. My problem here that I have associated with being a mom and wanting my kids to not have negative ramifications from my weirdo affliction is a Suburb problem! I'm a city kid. Or a country kid. This suburb stuff is sub human.

ouch

and ugh to this headache, am about to resort to hard drugs to kill it. Ella woke up this morning with bumps all around her midsection and down her legs, looks like bites but could be hives or whatever. They look seriously itchy, poor dear.

had fun playing some zeppelin 1 bass parts yesterday it's great for chop building, especially if you work everything up just a bit faster than it should be.

today is ballet day, I'm really hoping that this place works out, otherwise I'm just renting videos for awhile or something.

headache headache go away, come again after I'm dead.

My book is so so good and of course it is. and the knitting project is coming along and the last batch of bread was good and Ella's teachers were all raving about their swifty's and even had some more commissioned from their other knitting friends. Mostly what I'm saying is that hard work pays off and the harder you work the more fun it'll be to go see a bunch of phish shows this summer.

har

back at it

and hooray for that.

Stumbled upon a podcast called Psychedelic Salon which is making me excited to be alive again.

am knitting this crazy scarf into some crazy socks

gotta do some yoga today or I will be officially slacking

ouch

note to self. When you practice yoga more regularly you don't have to deal with this monthly cramping business. remember that.

coffee

is so good but it sure does mess up my sleeping if I have too much. So I was making these cabled gloves and they were rocking right along until last evening when I tried to knit while perturbed and I completely messed it all up and had to frog it. Then I took a closer look at the king charles brocade socks and they just weren't right either so I frogged them too. So now the knitting frenzy of the past few days is rolled back into nice little balls. It wasn't right...

today is our last day of vacation. In the future I need to be more conscious of getting OUT while the kids are out of school, I was feeling like heading to Lawrence and I just should have.

I really love my new music player and the whole concept of podcast radio instead of commercial radio. After I get my new bass and then I get my appley computer of whatever sort I'm definitely getting the bestest ipod that there is. no more cd's for me. except of course for my phish library which I am absolutely not converting ever again. woohoo