no internets for YOU

So for xmas this year we got a taste of life without. It was fine, although my dad and brother were seriously bummed that there was no football to watch. I finished off Sense & Sensibility, though, and am well through Pride and Prejudice now, and I made major progress on Kara's sock. I cannot believe that a foot could be so small and I'm pretty much convinced that it is in fact TOO small but I'm not going back now. And I made some mittens that my mom proceeded to put on and keep. She ends up with all my best stuff.

Hooray Hooray! Happy Solstice Today! Hooray Hooray

So I've been a little nervous to mention to John the probability of me doing a lot more of this upcoming phish tour than he will probably choose to do, but I did it and he's down as of now. I told him I was taking the kids with me and he didn't seem to mind a bit. Of course he hasn't had to buy me any tickets yet either... But he wants to do a little stretch sans kids which is also fine by me so that's what I'm thinking about today.

summer tour

yeah.

Because today it is currently -3. It is only supposed to get up to 4 but it won't feel like that because the 40 mph winds are going to make it feel -30. Yay!!

Those poor smokers are gonna be cold, maybe we'll turn the heater on in the garage for them. John was going to grill one of the sausages, too...

Here is his clever invitation:

The theme for the pagan party has been decided based on the following information.

In 320 AD the Roman Emperor Constantinus I and the Catholic Church banned sausage eating because of links to pagan festivals! This led to sausages going underground until the ban was lifted.

That's right, it's a Sausage Fest. There will also be a special guest appearance by former pagan party king Matt Czahor. The date is Sunday, 12/21, at around 4:00 at my house. I am going to make several different types of sausages but I haven't decided what they will be yet. I do know that there will be at least 1 veggie "sausage" (I know, I know, it's not really sausage if there's no meat) If you have any sausages that you would like to bring, please do so. Also, if anyone can make up some side dishes I would appreciate it.

over and out

well geez, I'm glad I worked so hard on the gifts for Abbey's teachers because school is cancelled today and I can't give them until January. But really I wish they would stop calling! I got the message! Thanks!

I've been reading the Sense and Sensibility, I'm all sucked in, all I wanted to do yesterday was read but I had to work on the teacher gifts. I find my self feeling so thankful that I can choose to orient my self at home but yet not be chained to it.

Today I am going to do a little baking and READ. and maybe knit a little. And then if the weather clears a smidge I'm going to go teach Zack and have date night with my Mr.

yay

I think I am done with all things stressy now. The gig last night went off without much of a hitch. I wasn't stricken with nerves just before I had to play this time, so that's good. I'm still fighting my back up to the top of the game and it's such slow going.

time for a break in the action to deal with this sun lack, let the festivities begin.

I find this man terribly sexy. that is all.

cave trolls

It has been so cold and snowy and blech out here since this weekend I don't think we've been outside for longer than a minute. And we've got the front room all cleaned up so there is no living allowed in there until after our shindig on Sunday. This, my friends, is why god made the tv. I don't even feel one bit guilty for using it because since we've moved here I can honestly say there are more days where it does not get turned on by me or for them then days where it does. Although the powerpuff girls are now on boomerang so we've been watching those. But that just started yesterday.

Tonight the big band is playing at Hackney's again. Hopefully I do not have another case of the nerves like happened last time, although that was a huge learning experience... It's going to be Cheryl and Me leading the poor drummer around by the nose, though, because this is her first gig with us and only her second time through most of these tunes. Ann(e?) is her name, and she's from NAPERVILLE! I have not had the chance to figure out much else about her except that she seems like a girl version of my brother but with a little more pizzaz. I am sure I will know more after tonight.

The girlz had their little ballet show Sunday. I guess it was the Ms. Ann show with accompaniment from the kids. I did not get to go because of the new drummer situation and band practice, but John snapped some photos. I am so glad to be finished with that insanity, Ruth Page here we come. I actually talked to their sitting at the desk guy, he sounded like a dancer. Not like somebody who runs a ballet school so that they can relive their glory days of HS subarban holiday ballet show queendom. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just not who I want teaching my girlz anything really. I realize I live out here in the burbs but that doesn't mean I have to accept less than what I expect and pay more.

yoga wise I am holding steady with intending to practice every day but, like, yesterday I had a nap instead. And it's hard to get to the gym when they have childcare if the mornings are full. I'm thinking about trying to head over there every day too, but it's still feeling like such a chore I'm not sure it will happen. we'll see, the kids are off of school for almost 2 weeks so we'll have to do something.

Abbey is getting to be so much more independant, thinking and acting. But then I look again and she's still small but watch out. Ella just likes to snuggle.

So Happy

Girlz and Tree
Originally uploaded by gurley

Look at our silly little tree and these happy little girls.

Sillies

I hope to restage this one 17 years from now
Originally uploaded by AENeuman

Here are the 3 little sillies circa 2007. It was the summer of cicadas, they were everywhere. Ella is just barely big enough to keep up here. Abbey is in full on leader mode. Poor Violet just wishes it wasn't so loud.

Poke!

Poke!
Originally uploaded by gurley

totally caught in the act, and the reaction is priceless.

funny face ella

funny face ella
Originally uploaded by gurley

Here is Ella. She is telling a story. She is often quite animated when she talks. Notice she is eating her bread by pulling out one little crumb at a time. And NO CRUST.

Bread

Bread
Originally uploaded by gurley

And here we the fridge stuff, which is amazingly easy. I have also stirred up round two with whole wheat flour. After I finished I read the book a little and noticed that there is a whole wheat recipe already, which I didn't follow. oh well.

Swifty

Swifty
Originally uploaded by gurley

Here is my new thing I'm making. Please ignore the gun toting weirdo. This particular one is just a smidge small because I was initially just making the dishcloth and changed course mid way through.

Multigrain Bread Extroardinaire

Multigrain Bread Extroardinaire
Originally uploaded by gurley

Here is my version of the bread my mom knocked my socks off with last week. This time I am going to make it with whole wheat flour and I'm going to make a little egg wash to stick the flax seeds on. Except people mostly hated the flax seeds.... but I like them.

suddenly

it was sucky! I was just feeling the other day that it's nice even in this completely dismal and dark part of the year to have navigated fairly certainly through the more and more familiar rocks of insanity that usually crash my little floater. But this year it's the other half that's gone round the bend. Had to tell him this morning that its not really cool to expect everyone to kowtow to the crazy, it's kinda gotta get checked from the inside. The most annoying part is that things are soooooo bad for him that nothing else anyone else says is even remotely close to how horrid his day was. So I've been solo parenting which didn't used to be my forte this time of year. And I haven't been able to get a good yoga practice in more than once a week if that, which is the even more amazing part, but I've been practicing something every day whether it's baking or knitting or cello or bass or reading. Whatever it is is done with intention. and it's working woohoo

Toad

This past week has settled into my midsection in a way that makes me feel like a toad. Also, why is it a big surprise to my husband that when he ditches the family unannounced for an evening it can make me severely cranky? Why is this news? Yesterday he calls me, after I had already dropped Abbey off at scouts to tell me that he wouldn't be home in time for me to go get her. I had already told Ashley's mom (who by the way cannot drive currently because she got caught driving Ashley without a car seat) that I could bring her home. So I had to drop Ella off at Mimi's, pick up Abbey and Ashley, drop Ashley off, go get Ella and then come home. Then when I get home I am told that he's off on some other adventure. Why not wait a half hour? i said, in a half hour it is bedtime and you could tuck your children in since you have not seen them all day. oh no, he had to go right then 1/2 hour before bedtime. So this morning there is some business to take care of. When there is business from Abbey's school I always leave it either in his in box or somewhere else obvious but unless I specifically draw his attention to it he either just throws it out without looking at it or yells about why did I leave this stuff out. so you'd look at it, that's why. So we're not quite half way into year 1 of the 26 years of combined schooling our girls will have before they graduate high school and I am not counting pre-school, so here we are, half way through the year and the habits that are forming are not conducive to me getting my work in every day. This will have to change. Maybe when they are both in school all day maybe then I will be able to get stuff done during the day but currently I need to have some time in the evening. Pretty much every day would be nice. So this business really pissed me off. It was as if the conversations that I remember having hadn't happened and it was as if the envelope had not been sitting out on the table for a week.



yeah.

lack

of motivation is the word of the day. Well, it was yesterday but today's going to be practicing day. I got my new bread book so I get to read on that a little. I really want to make some progress on Ella's Mitten, I've finished the cuff and next is the thumb gusset.

So my mom made the most delicious and beautiful bread for us yesterday, she's got skills, that one.

I realized yesterday that when my yoga practice takes a back seat is when the all consuming rage and anger problem sprouts her ugly tentacled head. But then there's this site, which is always so persistent in reminding me to just try again.

ack gotta go

Phew

The wedding is ovah. It went fine and I got many compliments. This has been so fun, though, that I want to keep the cello chops up. Now it is time to get to work on the COD concert stuff that is on Thursday and the Maria trio stuff that is on Friday.

Ciabatta

Ciabatta
Originally uploaded by gurley

As is probably obvious by looking this bread is not quite up to snuff yet. I'm really not a huge fan of this kind of bread so perhaps I should stop trying to make stuff that I don't really like. This particular batch was doomed, though, because it had to ride in the car during the final proof and also because we don't have the right equipment. And also because I was being pestered by drunk Papa.

The great thing about grandparents is that when your kids are with them you can really realize just how much you miss them when they are gone. I dropped them both off yesterday, then grandma took abbey and me to get haircuts, even though I had forgotten that I was going to wait until after Abbey's ballet show to cut hers but oh well. Then we went to the shoe store for some slipper type shoes to wear out of swimming lessons and ballet when they don't necessarily have socks. Those goofers picked out these rubber croc like things that are shaped like cats. and now they sit back there meowing their shoes at each other.

Then I went to rehearsal. Which went pretty well I think, although I do feel slightly hoodwinked. It turns out we're rehearsing to play her tunes for a fundraiser at her temple. She's lucky that I just recently extended my banning of all thing money related to cover my music life as well. Because now I can't even worry about it, a gig's a gig.

yay

ugh

Happy half birthday to Abbey and me! That must mean it's auntie Becky's birthday. I'm still feeling all ughy from her party 2 days ago. Now instead of getting all drunk and then hung over I just get hung over from meat. I should have known better but there was nothing to eat otherwise. We were going to stop and bring something but of course we didn't. I only had a bite or two but here we are 2 days later and I can still feel it working it's way through the system.

Yesterday I made Portuguese sweet bread but I finished it so late that I have not yet tried it. It looks really good, hopefully it tastes good too.

And I finished the second hat which Ella does not like because it's not blue enough. It's so blue it looks white. It's also a touch too small so I may just give it to Jenna. I also finished the mittens which are connected up and strung through Abbey's coat. Now I have to make Ella's mittens.

I think I'm finally getting a little less nervous about Saturday, things are sounding better and better, it's amazing what happens when you practice. Tomorrow is my rehearsal with the newest group, hopefully that all clicks together. fingers crossed that gail can find a drummer because we desperately need one.

Today we are off to the circus this AM with my parents. Then we are taking them to this yummy mexican place in pilsen because it is so good and they will love it. Then we have to go to Auntie Becky's house for her birthday extravaganza. I have a plan of attack. It's like that seinfeld where George realizes that his first instinct is always wrong and he should do the opposite. Well, obviously Becky is on the opposite side of the calendar from me so I maybe I'll just oppositeize everything this evening. Kathy is at least coming this year.

Cranky!!

About external things this time, one is just not even worth mentioning but the other is that Abbey and Ella's ballet teacher is requiring attention and money above and beyond what a ballet teacher should, I think. First of all, when we started out over the summer Abbey and Ella were put into the same class. Over the summer this was fine with me because it was Ella's first class of anything ever and we all know how nervous and shy Ella can be. Looking back I think it was an error because since then Ella has started school and does just fine there on her own, and is growing into herself apart from Abbey in an awesome way. So I'd really like for them to be in classes that are appropriate for their level. They currently are in a class where there are 3 -5 year olds, with mostly 4 year olds and Abbey plus 3 3 year olds. The class is an hour. I do not want to sit and watch ballet class for an hour every week. Over the summer I stayed because Ella was new to class and I wanted to make sure that she did OK and stuff, but she did fine. So once the fall session started I'd take the girls in and get them all geared up and then go home for an hour and then come pick them up, usually a little early so I could catch the last little bit of class and get a vibe on the room. The past few weeks there has been a noticeable vibe of frustration in the room. I noticed that 2 of the moms were tucked away off in a corner while most of the moms were talking at a table, and 1 or 2 were actually sitting by the class and watching. The class was divided just this same way! The 2 girls of the seperate moms were only with each other and would only talk to each other. The rest of class was pretty much doing ballet and there were 1 or 2 kids who were having a hard time focusing but their moms were there directing them. My kids were in the group that was doing ballet. I asked them afterwards what was going on and they said that the 2 girls are exclusive and it hurts their feelings. We talked about what ballet class is and what it is for and how it's nice to have friends but that it's not appropriate to behave that way at ballet, the girls got it, they were sad that these 2 others weren't friendly. Then this week I got a call from the teacher to tell me that she was having a problem with Ella and that Ella doesn't do the arms. I know exactly what's going on with Ella, when she gets stressed she shuts down and doesn't do the arms. I told the teacher my concerns about having abbey and ella together, which she brushed off, and I told her that Ella is a bit of a tough nut and that if she hasn't warmed up yet then the ball is still in the teacher's court. That put her off a bit but she came back with a slightly accusoritory tone about there being other 3 year olds in the class that were doing fine. I really didn't want to get into it with the lady because I still needed to do some research. So I talked to Ella about how we have to try and that even if it's hard and we don't think we can it's still our job to try our best and all that jazz and then I went to class and sat on the side with the bad kid moms and watched. And talked to them. And my conclusion is that the ballet teacher is insane. I think my kids are learning ballet, but I think that the social statement being made by her attitude towards the different behaviours in class was very telling. My experience with ballet as a child was that I was not pretty enough or thin enough to be good. The teacher ran me out of town, it felt personal. I hope that I am not bringing that baggage to this situation. Meanwhile the cost of tuition is about 5 dollars lower than the other ballet schools in the area and it's close. but we have been nickled and dimed to death and don't even get a fun costume for the dress up bin out of the deal. they're rented! What kind of buck is she making on costume rentals that she couldn't make on out and out buying them? You pay her for flowers, you pay her for an ad in the program, we buy 15 dollar tickets! Each! Kids are 7. They are invited to be in 2 numbers at 15 each per kid per costume and as they get older they are "invited" to do more!

Obviously I need a new ballet teacher. I cannot deal with this, it will make me have hate feelings.

otherwise I am stressing out over 3 upcoming gigs that I do not feel even remotely ready for and do not see any way to get there without ignoring my children for extended periods. Even with my folks are taking them overnight but that's for a whole different gig that's not until January or something.

Time to make the waffles

monday monday la laaaa la laaaaa

it snowed.

there is snow in my yard.

I am actually happy about that because maybe now it will just be winter and not this weird going back and forth thing that seems to make me feel yucky.

today I think I will start learning how to make french bread. I do not think there is much to do day 1 but I think I will do it and then I will know.

I have been a knitting fool and now I need to be a going to the post office fool because I cannot finish these socks until I know if they will fit. They are TINY and must go to the smallest footed person that I know, but if they are indeed too tiny even for her then I must frog and re-do.

But oh yes, the knitting, I spent too much on the yarn for the hat but it was soooo nice to work with and has knitted up just as nice. yay for non itchy wool. the mitten wool on the other hand is giving me a rash to work with but I'm hoping that it will relax a little. It still has chunks of leaves from the dye in it and stuff, which is nice too but rather the opposite of the other hand spun and dyed stuff.

Oh, and my new strings!!! Also well worth the spendy because they are so smooth and slidey. Since John's from homeing it I can definitely practice first thing, and then start the bread...

I have realized that I can really like this time of year as long as I don't feel like I have to do anything. As long as I can somehow make myself want to do it I'm ok...

we'll see

Thursday already! Let's see, what shall we do today? I was still really sore and achy at yoga time yesterday so I did lots of stretching and less of crazy things. Off to the gym today and then we are recording at COD which is not really that fun or interesting anymore, but does get the adrenalin going. Can't fuck up, ya know? Tape's rolling. then there is an hour and a half of ballet this evening. That should poop them out. There are 2 girls there who only play with each other and don't allow anyone else to play with them. And it's like, I really like their mom's but what the fuck ladies? A) your kids are disrupting class and B) they are being huge assholes! I just leave and don't watch class anymore but these mom's can sit there and watch an hours worth of this shit every fucking week? They are the 2 teachers too, well, one of them is a teacher and the other is in school to be. I'm really appalled and mortified, though, if you can't tell. Fortunately Abbey and Ella both just participate in the class and pretty much hang out with everybody. At Ballet and at swimming. Nobody like to put their face in the water, yet, that's when we'll have fishes instead of daughters.

I am doing my best not to hurry the finishing work on this blanket but I got a mitten pattern generator and had to at least make the swatch out of my new fancy yarn that came yesterday sot hat I could print my pattern for the mittens... The blanket is so close to done I can't help but finish it today I don't think and then it's on to mittens for the fam.

practicing

is back on track. My new bass strings are coming in the mail woohoo. Finally got some new rosin for the ole cello bow and that has made a big difference. Now I have to find a good chair. I'm so annoyed that I didn't just save the dog chair from the olden days because it's the perfect height, but I didn't. I did something stupid and bought organic hand dyed yarn from the crafters. These will be the most expensive hats and gloves ever. Unless for some reason it's an endless supply or something, we'll see just how many mittens and hats I can make from 220 grams of yarn. I love etsy, though.

So John tells me the other day, and maybe he was asking? I don't think so. He tells me that now is a good time to buy stocks and that we should consider investing. As in, he's already picked out the stocks and is ready to write the check or something. So I say, oh, well, then maybe a little kick down for the bass fund is in order? And oh yeah, remember how we were going to fund a retirement account for me? yeah. And then he says, you have to pick one or the other! Yeah!

Everybody is on to round 2 of cold season 2008. I am just now de-snotted but both girls are in the throes. I think it needs to just get cold already, this late summer summer can kiss my ass, I'd much prefer it in March. or even April.

Ooooh, and I'm reading a terrible vampire book but I must finish it today. it's really bad but in that good way. I got it just to kick start the reading and it has worked like a charm.

Let's see... I need to just go to a stinkin yoga class but I can't seem to get there, but I keep practicing at home and stuff I'm just pretty sure that I'm doing some whacky alignment things to compensate for my knees, which have gotten a lot better but are still, well, not like they were before.

ya

more playing

So on Saturday I got to go play with this fellow named Bill at the Border's in Oak Brook. And there were some other folks. 2 people new the songs and the other 3 of us were reading. So it actually went pretty well, there were only 1 or 2 train wrecks and we got cooking there towards the end. There was a table sitting right next to me who sang along and were really enjoying themselves. And then there was the fellow over in the magazines who was flat out getting down. I think he was three fish short of a lawn mower, but he was enjoying himself. And I could adjust his whirly. H aha ha ha

today is grandma day.

woohoo

Playing

My COD combo was invited to play the Elmhurst Jazz Fest this February. Yay, right? Yeah! But the only problem for me is that I need to register for the class, as of course only students are allowed to "compete" in such a thing. But since I'm out of district it's like 350 or something crazy to register, while it's only around 100 for the in district folks. So would it be horrid for me to register from a different address? I hate this shit, really. Ugh. I should ask the director fellow what he thinks...

Tonight's the night I can go to Danche's and play a little. I should go, I'm feeling really terribly lacadaisical about playing anything, though, why is that?

dunno

Voting Day

Woohoo

gonzo

John and I are heading in tomorrow. The girls are going to my mom's and then we're going to drive over and park because if it's anything like escape from new york we'll be needing the car later. Oh how I wish we had more supplies...

loo loo loo loo

so we went to the Snack Shop for dinner last night, it's a greasy spoon over on Ogden (which is Route 66) and I ordered the coffee because how do you go to the diner without getting coffee? This stuff tasted like normal diner coffee, but man, did it ever jack my shit all up. I watched the time change, and then made myself go lie down. I think I slept for awhile but I have no idea how long but once the sun came up so did my eye balls. so here I am. loo loo loo. I have a baby shower to attend with the girls and we all know what joy I derive from those sorts of pseudo phony events. But I CAN bring my knitting so woohoo.

loo loo loo loo

Better

Ugh, that was sucky. I am finally feeling better, but I broke down last night in the middle of the night and took some tylenol. The dreams, man, the dreams I was having! ugh.

sick

blah

Woke up this morning to an e-mail from Cheryl the guitar player, saying would I like to join her at her luthier's shop to play some blues. Why sure, so off I went, not really knowing what to expect but hoping to at least have fun. And fun it was, Danche is a really fun guy with a lot of awesome equipment. And he wants to play a lot woohoo.

so hopefully this can turn into something learny for me, I'm ready to get on with it.

Ugh! It's one thing to wake up with a hangover, it's another thing entirely to wake up with the gloomy doomy sadness that I've noticed happening lately.

Yesterday we went to my friend Maria's daughter's baptism. They are greek orthodox, I had never been to any sort of greek service before. It was LONG for the girls but full of chanting, which I liked. Poor Zoe was not quite as happy with the proceedings and really didn't like getting dunked, but who would? I was interested in the literal casting out of the devil, as I do not believe that little Zoe had anything devilish in her, but I'm glad it's gone anyway.

On the way in Abbey didn't want to go, she said "It's going to be like all of the other churches, boring and long!" So even at 5 and even though we don't ever go she knows... so funny.

So then we went to the reception which was at Wishbone downtown, I had 1 vodka drink and then 2 or 3 glasses of wine. I was a little tipsy but not too bad, we came home and went to bed but I woke up this morning with that pit of despair feeling. I had to remind myself that it was just the gunas making me feel that way (which has worked wonders for all sorts of stuff) but I really think it's the vodka, or the booze in general. I remember my last hangover had that doomy element too and is what had kept me from really tying one on for awhile and now I'll be even more cautious. Because it's no fun. I do not think I get this problem from beer but I have also not had more than 2 beers and a sitting in a long time.

It was interesting hearing John explain the rituals to the girls because he was trying to tell them that the orthodox church is protestant! I was like, nooooooo, I think the orthodox religion is actually more ancient than the roman catholic one... and less changed. I just did a little research on it and the baptism "mystery" has been largely unchanged for 1500 years.

So all in all a very intersting day, the girls got a heads up about the orthodox religion as did John and Zoe was splendid in her fancy dresses. 2 dresses and a towel, rather.

I think I'm going to stay away from the vodka for awhile, though...

Am I ovulating? Already? I think so, I woke up this morning pretty early and have the mittel schmirtz from hell going on. And lots and lots of goo. Glad things are working down there.

Where's the sun, shouldn't it be peeking through momentarily? The furnace can't decide if it wants to kick on or not so it just keeps going back and forth, but each time it clicks I think someone is coming down and it's much too early for anyone else to be up so I'm glad they are not.

Ella has gotten so much bigger these past few weeks after starting school. That last semblance of babyhood is just rolling right off of her, although she is still working hard to not have the cindy brady lisp. I hate to see it go but I'd hate for her to be teased about it.

Abbey is reading. big books.

yay

weird

yesterday while I was up in wheel I felt all of my organs slippy slide up into my chest cavity from their normal resting spots. It was a very kooky feeling and kinda freaked me out. I came out and then they slipped back. They were really heavy! It was just a funky freaky feeling.

I was totally going to try it again today to see what would happen but Ella showed up mid practice and needed a snack so no go.

Tomorrow, though.

Also, the coffee is starting to disagree with me so I think it's back to tea for the winter.

happy monday!! So happy to not be doing what we were doing last week.

So that means that we need to get back to doing what we were doing before. It's funny, or not, but I WAS feeling sort of complacent, or rather, I was noticing it in others. Our family needed a slap upside the head so hopefully it worked.

now I have that baghdad jones tune stuck in my head.

So I finished the women's sutras book and found it to be just fine but slightly less than what I'm wanting. I'm in the choir and on the bus so I need more than the over view. But I was not expecting total enlightenment from this book so I don't want to seem disappointed with it. Not disappointed. It was actually the perfect thing to read in the hospital with Abbey because there are many places to pause and observe the energy flow which was a great thing to be doing then.

I'm not sure which book will be next, probably I'll start each one and stick with the ones that stick.

ok, off

I finished my book, it was a good read although the information was not necessarily new. I'm in the choir I guess, and don't really need to be persuaded. I'm really glad it's what I had to read in the hospital, and I might recommend it to my mom. She's getting there on her little xtian path, though. She'd just be so good at yoga, I wish she'd try it. Markie too...

Now I am reading my new buffy book. Not sure what will be next.

must practice

must practice

for certain tomorrow if not today.

OK

How was that for a week? Who am I again? Oh yeah.

Time to get this wagon back on the tracks.

Today I need to do the last of the sicko's laundry and get the beds switched back. Abbey was on the bottom bunk this week.

I need to practice for this wedding which is creeping up.

I need to fix this problem with the brain cramps and the socks.

yah.

Phew. I felt so incredibly drained last night that I was scared I was going to get the disease too, but after a pretty darn decent night's sleep with only a couple of wake ups but no get ups I'm feeling better. For reals, I felt like I'd been trippin' with that weird taste in the back of my throat and the imbalanced brain chemicals. I tried to drink a beer but then I just wanted to puke so I went to bed fully expecting to wake up sick. But no. I'm fine. It's all that clean living! ha ha h a nha ah ah a

that's some funny shit right there, mostly because it's true these days. I've only had raw food since abbey went in and I think I even practiced 2 of the days. Gotta get one in today...

John is having meetings all day and is just calling into them from here so I can take Ella to school and ballet later. She's hanging in there, she keeps trying to give Abbey kisses but Abbey of course is still quite cranky.

I did something really stupid with my knittin' project and now I have to figure out how to fix it.

time to make the waffles

So we're home again. Abbey stuck a small plastic doll shoe up her nose. After everything she's been through this week, we finally get home and get to the important job of relaxing and feeling better and she sticks the shoe up her nose. So I call her ped who of course says bring her on in. So I do. My mom pulled up with Ella just as we were packing up to go so they came with us. Mostly for me, I'm a wreck I knew that digging in Abbey's nasal cavity for a tiny plastic shoe was going to be harder for me than anyone. so the doc over there couldn't get it and was in the process of referring us to the appropriate specialist when Abbey sneezed and OUT POPPED THE SHOE!! Woo hoo.

So we're home AGAIN and trying to relax AGAIN.

Please please please no more troubles for Abbey today or tomorrow or this week or really for a very long time. Mama needs to stop worrying about stuff.

How many times and in how many ways can I hate on this processed made in china plastic crap?

The wheel is turning and you can't slow down

my lord what a week.

First Abbey gets soooo sick, then she gets better, then the white sox pull one outta their asses, then then then THIS. Thank you universe for reminding me what it's like to be alive.

woo fucking hoo and thank you for all the phish

We're home

woohoo

more news...

the doc did indeed come back in to see Abbey. The culture came back and we are NOT dealing with a UTI. It is looking more and more like just regular old abdominal yuck that has just hit her very hard. She had the big sweat earlier and has been so much better since then. Also the fever is pretty much gone so her sense of humor is back. Also the cramping is still happening but seems to be passing more quickly. all in all things are looking up just a bit.

I think that we are just waiting for her to be able to eat and get off of the IV and we might get to go home.

woohoo

More updates! This puzzle that is Abbey's abdomen seems to be a fun one for these docs. I got not one, not two, but three apologies from 2 different doctors about the lack of communication yesterday evening, which was so "normal" for a hospital that I sort of expected it, but I was assured today that they will all be around much more. Ok, that's nice.

Abbey's red blood count is low, so they want to rule out blood in the stool and we are still waiting for the urine culture to grow enough for the lab to rule the UTI in or out. If it's in we'll probably have an ultrasound on the kidneys to check them out. Poor Dabber has to have another blood draw and is currently sniffling about it. I'm glad she's not a cusser yet or she'd have let the guy have it.

All in all things seem better, but I want this infection out of her NOW.

Better

Abbey is finally feeling better. Phew. Her temperature spiked last night but so far today it is as close to normal as I've felt since Wednesday. She's still pretty wrung out but she's actually coloring and talking and even smiling sometimes. We'll probably be here awhile yet, they want to give her another round of the antibiotic this afternoon.

I'm gonna go play with her.

I take back everything nice I said about McNeil, except for maybe how nice the nurse was, because as it turns out Abbey has a UTI from hell. They didn't catch it. If they had we could have started this process on Friday night instead of Sunday afternoon, almost 2 whole days of suffering for Dabber. F them.

Our course of action yesterday was to push the fluids, but we were warned that if she threw up that that could indicate a blockage and that we'd need to come back in promptly. Well, about 9:30 she threw up so we brought her into Loyola which has a ped ER rather than bring her back to crazy McNeil. It's like a hotel here almost, everyone is way more polite and professional, but it is entirely sucky to be here and dealing with this. We are still waiting for the head surgery guy to come and truly release her from the possibility of surgery. She finally got a chance to try and eat and so far it has all stayed down (cross your fingers).

I miss Ella. I'm going to go home with her tonight while John stays here in hell with Abbey. It's at least a kids sort of as nice as it can be kind of hell, but hell it is. There are some amazing splatters of god knows what on the carpet in the hallway. Oh yeah, and we're in the cubs room so I bought a white sox balloon to conteract the mojo and it worked!

I'm just relieved that the surgery option has dropped low low low and the surgeons aren't lurking around licking their chops anymore, that was disturbing. Although it was a surgeon who figured out the uti so good on em.

ok, over and out

Seriously

So I have been fielding calls from doctors all morning. Abbey's ct scan set off alarms for several of the radiologists who looked at it today. Her elevated white count along with the swelling of lymph nodes and large intestine are symptoms of Mesenteric Adenitis. The lack of bm's (Thursday until Saturday morning) made them concerned that she had a blockage. Since there have been at least 2 liquid bm's today the blockage is less likely. So Abbey's ped is recommending that she ingest fluids today, clear liquids. I took that to mean the braty diet. So John says that he's going to the store for campbells chicen soup and 7 - up. And was snotty with me when I recommended something with a little less sodium and sugar, like, say, home made vegetable broth. Why on earth would my husband who is normally such a proponent of home made food turn to these horrid substitutes for food at the time when abbey is most in need of the right stuff? Oh yeah, he is still trying to act like all of this is still an invention of the hospital system's love of diagnosing people with stuff that costs money but my mama instinct is in high gear and he's being very threatening to me right now. As far as I'm concerned he can go get drunk at the golf course and stay there.

I told his mom on him.

fun times

So Abbey has been more sick than I can ever remember her being. So sick that I actually gave her fever reducer medicine yesterday. She felt better after taking the medicine but then would start to feel crappy again. John of course said that we should send her to school and went to his golf thing without a worry. I, against my better judgement, sent her to school only because it was only for an hour and she really wanted to go. After school she zonked out for awhile and then I had to take both girls to Mimi's so that I could go teach Zack.

I really didn't want to do this, Mimi works from home on Fridays and my gut was telling me to stay home. I felt like I needed to go teach Zack, though, because we need the money and I had fronted them about 60 bucks for music which I was expecting to be re-imbursed for yesterday. I also needed to stop by Abbey's dentist to pick up her school form because they would not fax it. So I went. Zack's folks forgot to pay me and the dentiset was closed.

I get home to Abbey finally and she's OK but pretty swifly deteriorates. All day she had been complaining about a sharper pain in her belly. The kicker for me was when she refused to walk to the potty and then started screaming from the pain. I checked the Dr. Sears site which lists these symptoms as the ones to check out. Abbey had all of them except that her pain was centered and not lower right.

• Severe right lower abdominal pain
• Constant pain – it usually doesn't come and go
• Gradually increased pain – the pain will usually get worse and worse
• Fever
• Refusal to eat
• Vomiting – this is sometimes present, but not always
• Refusal to walk – a child with appendicitis will often lie down curled up in a fetal position

I called her doctor and she recommended that we head to the ER to rule out a bladder infection and appendicitis. Yay, a trip to the ER on Friday night. John is still not home so I go to my house and get supplies for Ella to sleep over at Mimi's and head out. Abbey won't walk so I have to carry her and she's heavy! So we get checked in and sit around for awhile before we ar called back for triage where the nurse is pretty harsh when I rate Abbey's pain at a 9 or 10 FOR HER. Since I know her pretty well and this really is the most pain that I've ever seen her in. But somehow my telling the nurse my opinion is not letting her do her job. Then we wait.

Then the debate starts. I'm not sure if I know of a better torture than sitting in the ER with a sick child and being a captive audience for this crap they're calling election coverage this year. I'm decided and I'm done. Anyway, I thought I'd try and call John and see what he was doing, Mimi had said that she had called while I was on my provision run. So I called and god damn it if he wasn't slurring. And answering the phone while driving drunk. Yay.

So back to the good ole ER, the admitting table called out a name, that sort of sounded like Abigail but really didn't because of how strong of an accent the woman used. She didn't use this accent while speaking directly to me, so I didn't catch it. It was only when they called the folks who had come in behind me that I put 2 and 2 together that Abigaeil was my Abbey. I'm still carrying Abbey at this point so I struggle over to her and ask if she had indeed called Abbey and of course she had but could I just wait a minute while she finished with these people? Sure! Let me just lean here on the wall a little. So finally after she finished with those folks she looks up and finally someone who works there (I've been there well over an hour at this point) asks me if I need a wheel chair. Yes thanks. So I fork over my 75 bucks and get Abbey settled into the wheel chair and we go over to wait by the fish. John finally shows up. reeking of booze. yay.

Finally they call us back, but again the thick accent of the people who work there made it hard for me to know what was going on. So we go back to the room, and wait, and the doctor comes in and checks her out. He pokes her belly and orders a cat scan to rule out the problem with the appendix and also wants her to pee in a cup. And of course get an IV. Our nurse, Casey, could be Matt G's long lost brother, he had the same way of speaking, it was eery. He also had the same birthday as Abbey and also had a son her age. He placed a hep lock which Abbey slept through. But she has to drink the nasty barium stuff so we spend the next hour force feeding her little sips of it. Meanwhile, John has decided to tell me that this is all wrong and that I've made the wrong choice to bring her to the ER. He doesn't tell the doctor this, in fact he didn't peep to the doctor, he just tells me like it's all my fault. Great. So of course it's miserable there we wait and wait, and then Abbey finally went for her scan. She fell asleep in the scanner, and then we wait and wait to hear that her appendix is fine but her large intestine is really swollen and is what is causing the pain. And her white blood cell count was worrisomely high. So finally after only 5 hours we're released and head home. She's still sleeping, is still fevered and we are not out of the woods. She has to stay hydrated and has to see her doctor on monday. What a nightmare. I can't say that I wouldn't bring her again if she was exhibiting those symptoms and I'm not sure what I was supposed to do.

I'm very relieved that Abbey doesn't need surgery. I'm beyond upset with John for being such an amazing jerk to me in that situation. There is one certainty, if I should ever need to do this again he is NOT the person I would call. I'm contemplating calling him out on his drunkenness in front of his parents today when we go get Ella. Must decide what the most appropriate way to handle this is because I don't think I can ignore it or forget it.

Ok, I'm off to check her.

Long night

Poor Dabber, she feels crummy. I only had to get up twice with her but once was at 5:30 so of course I'm still up. And bitchy so watch out. I'm annoyed with John, our little experiment got messed up because he didn't want to wake up early yesterday. He promised we'd get to it last night but we didn't. Maybe I'll go wake him up in a minute but I'm too cranky. So on Monday he went to play golf all afternoon and didn't get home until later than usual. Then the train fiasco kept him out until almost 9 or whatever. By the time he got home last night I was done, so I asked him to take Ella with him to the tire store but of course NOOOOOOO He can't take Ella to the tire store, what will he do with her there? Um. Bring some books? Stop for chicken nuggets and bring those? Talk to her? She's your fucking daughter, man, don't act like some sort of martyr because mama needs some time to herself, or rather herself and just one sick kid and not the entirely well and needing attention one. So pissed about this, because today he's going to play golf again and sticking me to either sit around at his parent's house until he gets there at whatever time after dinner and drinks and all that, or I could be the bad guy and make the kids come home after my lesson but then they don't get to hang out with Mimi. OH yeah, did I mention that instead of visiting my family on Monday he's playing golf?

Speaking of my family. If my mom tells me one more time that she thinks ella is somehow SLOW socially and that we should not start her in kindergarten until she is 6 I'm going to blow a gasket. I have no opinion about her decision to start me at 6, she's my mom and she made the best decision for me at that time and who am I to judge that? I don't remember having an opinion about it until I got to be an angsty teenager and had to wait an extra year to graduate and get the hell outta dodge. Current Kindergarten curruculum standards here in Illinois allow for a very wide range of skills to pass. Ella will be screened during this year at pre-school as well as next, as well as a pre-k screening to enroll. Just supposing that she is indeed not ready to go to kindergarten in 2 years then I might entertain the thought of waiting. But I'm not interested in discussing it now. And especially not in front of her!

Sicko

Abbey is sick. She came out of school looking pale and clammy and said "My tummy is OFF". So I believed her. She's been lying on the new chair moaning in between naps. So needless to say we did not have Ashley over to play today. Her immune system thanks us. I'm sad, though, I was all geared up for it.

I hope she feels better soon, though.

I had a lot of stuff to write about today and now I can't remember any of it.

I hate when people snuff themselves with the train! It just sends ripples of suck through the whole system. Happens a lot too.

I'm quickly approaching the end of my autobiography, but I have a next book from the library that looks exciting.

My bruise itches like sin and it's DEEEEEEP tissue itch, terrible. I should go take my aspirin.

I zingered my left hammie area yesterday in uttanasa of all things, I think it has been aggravated by being the longer and looser side for so long and just got pulled to far. So anyway, I was lifting up out of uttanasa and I felt a stabbing shooter. Then it came back when I tried to get into trikonasana with lefty in front so I didn't do that again. Then it was sore all afternoon and evening but is not really so sore at all now. I was afeared I had really done something to it but now I do not think that I did woohoo.

I figured out what to do while Ashley's here, we're going to have music class. Pound some drums and stuff. Maybe blow bubbles.

Today is somebody's birthday

happy birthday Matt

I'm proud of myself, I called Ashley's mom and invited her over on Thursday after school. Now I need to get all brownie scouts and find something fun for us all to do. I also finally re-connected with Kristin from story time and met up with her crew at the park. Turns out one of them is my across the street neighbor and gave me some info about the previous owners of this house, nothing surprising or even that interesting, she had to come over and bust them for partying on the porch all the time. But she hasn't heard the bass blasting from us. YET. HA HA

So how does one get their mate to understand the importance of a bike helmet? I was worrying about it yesterday before I went to the park, then when I get there Kristin is all scarred up. Turns out she crashed during a race in July and was just cleared by her neurologist. so fucking scary.

I've learned to like fall better since living here in Illinois, and I think I especially like it right here in this foresty spot. We get the most amazing sounding bugs. Looking too but that's not as exciting for me.

My new favorite activity is being read to by Abbey. The Brookfield Library has a great collection of early readers from the 60's and beyond, such fabulous pictures and the stories are not watered down kid crap. The best part is that she remembers many of the hard words from the day before.

Happy Fall

Happy Day. So John made some super yummy minestrone porridge just like I like it the other day and I get to have it all week for lunch and I just did and it's SO good with just a few chips and a big ole glass of milk YUM. Happy belly. I was lying there in savasana and NOT thinking about what to have for lunch when I remembered it. Also had a fun brain game with my new words to TMWSIY. I'm almost done with my autobiography but I almost don't want to finish because then what will I read? Hopefully the new stuff gets here soon.

Glad my vacation is over but also glad I took it.

One good thing about the random weirdness that is facebook is that I came across that picture up there yesterday. He doesn't look happy but at least he's there.

Abbey got invited to her first kindergarten birthday party yesterday. The party was today, the birthday girl is Ashley. The best part was that she lives just down the block and across the street. Finally a friend for Abbey in the neighborhood!

So we walk over, there are 2 or 3 girls there already. Ashley's mom starts telling us what she's got planned for the party, this and that, and did I know about Ashley? That she has a brain tumor and is considered terminal?

um. No. Did not know that.

wow.

ok.

I knew she had hearing aids, didn't assume much from that.

OK, Abbey's first friend in the neighborhood is a child with terminal cancer. who will probably die while still a child.

Heavy, man.

So I came home and cried. And then when I went back to pick Abbey up I gave Ashley's mom my card, told her I'm home most of the time and if ever Ashley wants to come over and play or whatever to please call.

So Ashley's mom told me this story about another girl on the block whom I have not yet met, but who is not allowed to play with Ashley. The mom is bitter, crude, and abrasive, which I can handle, and how could she not be?

not really sure what to think yet, just wanted to get it down and start the process.

Friday

I have Zack's music! Finally! I always feel so bad to walk in there empty handed when he's expecting something. But then that turns around into me feeling mad at those folks for putting me in this position in the first place. I hate money. As it is it's been over a week since I shelled it out and I won't see it until next week at the earliest. So whatever.

We had Curriculum night at Abbey's school last night. I wish they got more PE and more music but that's why there are swimming lessons and ballet and piano lessons. and running around outside. I also hope that she doesn't get bored, I remember grade school being sooooo boring, but she's not me so perhaps I shouldn't worry about that.

Thursday

Thwarted! By a small child with a bad dream who just had to come sleep in our bed at 3, and then was there at the usual time of just before 7. Kiboshed. Maybe later...

My forced exile is working, bringing my attention back to what's important. I'm going to finish the autobiography today or tomorrow and now there are more books coming.

I need to figure out what to eat and when a little better, it's all well and good to not eat meat, and to try to eat mostly veggies but I've fallen into the trap of only choosing carbs rather than spending the time to actually make something yummy.

have to go make the waffles

ha ha

Funny fella had to pick between sleeping in and getting a little.

I finally found my old headache drugs from back before I had Abbey and boy do they do the trick. woohoo

Dear Kitchen,

How am I supposed to make breakfast when you are out of eggs? And why weren't you out yesterday when I went to the store? I am glad to see you there, already on the grocery list, but that does not help with my current predicament.

the end

Abbey's teacher uses lots of semi-colons.

off to pour the cereal...

365

oh yeah?! How could I forget? So John and I have decided to try to do it every day, and so far so good. Let's see, I think we're on day 3 or 4 or so. The biggest difference I've noticed so far is that he's a lot less cranky in general, but also I think maybe I'm less cranky. If that's possible. Yesterday I found myself starting to get all pissed about something but it didn't stick.

Oh, and I decided to give this a go before I heard about this.

woohoo

wet

God didn't warn me in advance about this flood, I'm a little bent about it. I thought I was on the list.

When the shit hits the fan I fall down and hurt myself.

I've noticed a pattern, too. This last week of the season before the solstice? I'm a big lazy lump.

yeah.

So at least we know that our basement is only breached after 2 days of more rain than anyone here can remember. I'm actually quite pleased. Also very happy that no kid stuff got ruined, thankfully it was rain water and not sewer water because that would have been a whole different story.

Hmm, I think that's all for today...

early

Why am I always up so early?

So I just answered an ad on Craig's list looking for a bassist. what will happen?

Was told by my husband yesterday that I did not in fact buy my bass with my retirement fund from TTX, but that he bought it. I do not remember this and I want to see the receipt. Was also told that I bought it while we lived in Roscoe Village, but I remember playing it in the 90's? Am I delusional?

Perhaps I was playing the fender in the 90's? When were the She shows? Didn't I play the Alembic on those? I remember using my grandma's money to pay for computer school and then using the retirement fundage to buy the bass...

Still waiting to get the electric upright funding secured. Was told that I can't have funding until I figure out which bass I want, but I need to have at least the promise of funding before I find the sitter and trek out for shopping, I mean, it's sort of a huge deal for me and is not something that I can just turn off and on.

I just wish that I had married someone who was gung ho ME. Isn't that supposed to be how it works?

Meanwhile my MIL has been diagnosed with hip dysplasia, but was told by her doc that she shouldn't do yoga, but that she should stretch and strengthen. um. yeah.

yuck

too early!

I knew this would happen sooner or later, I got up nice and early to get the practicing done and out of the way but our floor is soooooo squeaky so I've gone and woken Abbey up. Oh well.

What's that sanskrit word for when you get a group of like mindeds together for a hangout?

So the new yoga journal came the other day. I usually make myself read them in order but for some reason I really wanted to read this one first, do I did, and they had an article on Kali. So I was thinking about her on my drive over to combo class and then I was thinking about Charlie my old collie dog and then I was thinking about how collie and Kali are pronounced the same. Weird.

Picture Day

for Abbey. Today we have that and then swimming lessons start and then Abbey has a piano lesson. I'm trying to not get ourselves so busy that we can't just go and do whatever it is. So far we only have stuff on wednesdays and thursdays. We go to my mom's on mondays. Every other week we have Daisy scouts on Tuesdays but that's in the evening.

OK, well, they're up and I've just had to separate them. Ugh. Off to make breakfast

Skippy

So yesterday I went to pick Abbey up from school. I parked a block over and walked over with Ella so that I could wait, feeling nervous, hoping to do it right this time... Out they come so I walk over, there's the teacher, nice teacher, what's this? Smiling? What? So the nice teacher lady tells me that Abbey is reading very well and that once they get into reading groups she will be free to read ahead at her own level and we got a big thumbs up. I was almost giddy with the not being in trouble and just so stinkin' proud of my Dabbers.

yay

woke up to my little friend this morning. Am going to cut the inversions this time to see if that's why my normally 3 day friend hung around for like 8 last month.

So I keep doing it wrong at Abbey's school. And her teacher has this way of looking at me that makes me feel very small. I hate that feeling, and I'm not exactly sure why it is that things are so confusing there for me. The first problem was that about 10 minutes prior to the open house Abbey decided that she had to go. It was just long enough to where I didn't think I'd make her try to hold it but where to go? The entrance we were waiting by was locked, the closest other entrance was under construction and had a parent standing there telling everyone not to go that way... So I asked her for directions to the closest bathroom, she takes us all in through the scaffolding and around the barricade to the kindergarten room where I get to barge in on Abbey's new teacher ahead of time. She's flustered and gives me what for for going around the barricade, I try to apologize but really I'm just a little pissed about the whole thing. It shouldn't be so hard to find a toilet at a school. So I think she picked up on my pissiness so she clams up and gives me that look that teacher's always have, that "I'm listening to you but I know I've got you in check-mate" look. So I stop trying to explain. Abbey does her business and we try to go, but then Ella decides that she likes the looks of that toilet and should probably try it out. Finally we escape and head out, but of course we're locked in because I didn't go around the barricade...

So yesterday I go to pick Abbey up. It's raining and Ella fell asleep in the car in the 5 minutes it takes to drive over so I choose to try the car pick up line. I had warned Abbey that I might and I was early so I got the 3rd spot in line and waited. Abbey's class gets to come out first so I can see her looking around for me. I wait for a little bit but then here's where I fuck it all up, I called over to her and she came running but there's a RULE about going between the cars, which of course there is and of course it's not safe for her to do it by herself but god dammit I'm her mama and If I'm standing right here then you teacher people can back the fuck off. You know, how about a map with an arrow on it? In the welcome pack? Here's how you pick the kid up, it wouldn't be hard. Perhaps that'll be my PTA job and I've just realized that PTA stands for Pain in THE ASS.

Getting ready for day 2

So for awhile now I've been waking up early and going to sleep early, like a couple of years. So lately, this past couple of weeks, I've been trying to get up and do yoga before the whole fam-damily is up. Sounds like a great plan in theory and is a great plan in practice except for now all of a sudden I remember what it's like to want to lie in bed and not get up and not have to do whatever it is, that thing that got shook out of me by having small babies... They are not small and now I've remembered how to sleep in. But that's OK, because it's still better to have to get up and do yoga than to have to get up and go work for the railroad.

got some fun stuff at the library, the new laurie berkner CD, which hopefully will include a tour. The BBC's Ballet Shoes, which I totally loved reading when I was a kid, although I should be reading the book but it's the BBC... And the Wizard of Oz which I've been trying to get for Abbey without actually buying it all summer but finally thought to check the damn library. And it's the 2 disc special edition woohoo.

Fun times in Media Land.

First Day of School

Happy first day of school for everybody! We were all quite nervous, including me. Ella went first, we found her cubby and she went right over to play with the dollhouse that she had been shoo-ed away from for all these years so we got away. Then we came home to hang out and wait for Abbey's turn where she decided that it was quite lonely here without Ella to play with. I think it might have been one of the first and only times that the three of us were here without Ella since we've had her, so that was a little kooky. Then it was Abbey's turn so I dropped her and John off and went to get Ella who had a fine time. And Cupcakes. Abbey was done an hour later and also had a fine time so woohoo. Abbey gets to go back today, Ella gets to go again tomorrow. I'm glad to be into the swing of things because now I can figure out what our routine will be.

Done

Well, I did it. I woke up at my ungodly hour and did my little yoga thing while the sun came up and now it's done. Woohoo

Today is the day that Abbey gets to go to her new classroom and meet her teacher. And then I think we should probably go over to Ella's school and check it out since we can't go to her open house tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to Violet...

more later

making stuff

So I've been going gung ho on these socks, to the detriment of my many other things I should be doing. But they're going to be really super fancy socks...

The last gig of the season for my big band is this Thursday. At least it's a 2 hour throwdown of everything we've been doing, and after my magnificent nerves of last time I'm going to get some practicing in tomorrow and I pretty much get to play most of the day Thursday too so I think I'll be good to go. I'm still sporadically working on Rubber Soul, what a great album. I really need to haul the cello out and start getting ready for this wedding.

Let's see, other things I need to make, ooh, I ordered up a sock monkey kit. I'm sure part of the reason I'm busting my tail on these socks is because I need to clear off the needles so I can start on the monkey. Um, yeah.

What else can I babble on about?

I need to make my yoga practice harder, what I really need to do is to put this one in the morning first thing when I get up so ungodly early and then just add another one in the usual spot.

time to go

Friday

Look Ma! I made the Marquee! This week I have learned that if I'm not having fun then it's not worth doing. I was soooooooo nervous for this show, and usually when one is nervous the best bet is to practice a LOT. But I couldn't practice at all, because I had to drive all over the world to get the babysitting worked out. Let me re-phrase that. I chose to invite my in-laws to the gig, which meant that I had to take the girls to my folks house. Then my in-laws decided not to come, I guess, which means that I could have spent the afternoon practicing for the gig rather than driving, had I known, but I didn't and I'm a little bent about it but the cards have told me that I'm a big whiner and to get over it so I shall. Anyway, this gig felt different from the get go, like these folks knew the charts better than we did and would know just how much faking goes on. At the time I was very paralyzed by that concept. Further complicating the matter (for me) our lovely drummer failed to show, so the house drummer sat in with us. He's really good, and stuff, and it was very enlightening to play with him, but it wasn't helping my nervous issues any to have to wonder about what was going on over there.

Ya ya ya

full moon

isn't going to get me this time! It almost did, but then I saw it.

Where ya Been?

Just relax, you're doing fine.

Ya ya ya.

Finished both blankets, but haven't uploaded pics because of fear of spiders lurking behind the computer. Ella woke up in the middle of the night screaming about spiders and I can't get her terror out of my head.

Have been practicing some bass just lately again, took about a week off I guess. Realizing again that I must get the cello out. Still time before the wedding, but fast running out.

yoga is all good and is the constant for now, just must.

Still reading the hobbit, but since we're just entering Mirkwood and Ella is already afeared of spiders, well, might take a small break.

Currently knitting socks but really seriously bored with the pattern and wishing I could do something else for a bit, but what?

Things!

I'm having the same sort of middle schmertz as last month ovulation time, although this month's hasn't been so bad... yet...

It would seem to be the weekend and I would seem to be not doing much, except we went to the movies! Dark Knight, best movie I've seen in a long time, but that's not saying much since I don't think I've been to the movies since Star Wars pissed me off. I think I was pregnant with Ella.

Oh yeah, and I've been knitting like crazy on the blanket only to find out that I do indeed need to order more yarn, so now I've stopped on the blue and started on the green in hopes of getting to the part where I need the new ball before it actually gets here. It's a race! Ready set go!!

Yeah, so I was doing that and drinking water and trying to figure out why I have to have this cramping shit twice a month now instead of once.

Abbey & Ella are doing yoga with the Wai Lana lady. We went to kiddie land the other day and had much fun.

It's almost August and we still haven't been camping, which hopefully means that we'll be going to the festival in September...

Not surprised

Another one from the I could have told you that files...

Playing in the band

Got together last night with Cheryl the guitar player to work on some tunes. I'm always torn when it comes to how much I can let the kids participate during band practice. Cheryl was awesome at getting them to use their little percussion instruments on 2 and 4, but then Abbey decided she'd tickle the keys a little and that just won't do. Extra percussion is always welcome but atonal piano during A Train? sorry dabbers...

I have a new tarot book, 2 actually, because I've decided that it would be fun to refine my already hopping intuition. I'd like to learn to focus and understand more easily. Inwardly AND outwardly.

Swirly

in the noggin today, but I think in a good way. I've been pondering the point of things lately, as in, is there one and since I've decided that there is, what is it? All of this brought about by reading too much yoga stuff I think, and perhaps by listening to too much Mingus. The stuff is dense!

I've decided to worry a lot less about why.

So the fun part of my Rubber Soul project has been the cutting and pasting of charts, I give Ella all of the Ringo parts and she makes things. It's also fun to be able to sight read this stuff so easily and I know I'm practicing the stuff I'm good at already but the other stuff is so hard. yah.

The girls are just getting so big and independent, although I just realized yesterday that the day will come soon where I don't pick Ella up like a toddler anymore. I remember my mom telling me that I was too big to be carried and I was sad. It was easier with Abbey because I was lugging Ella already and just couldn't.

Doctor

Today's the day the girls get to go to the doctor. Poor Ella had to have a blood draw, but that was the extent of the traumatic events. Poor Dabber was nervous, but went first and didn't have any trouble. Ella was not so nervous but she will be next time. Next time will not be fun.

I feel yucky! We ate a bunch of crap this weekend and I feel hung over from it. Not to mention all of the beer. Ugh.

Gotta go do some yoga

ugh

beer. We went to the local music fest last night in search of good music but all I found was beer. I think next year I'll have to try and be playing instead.

Dinner was delicious, we went to Mundial Cocina Mestiza where I shouldn't have ordered the chicken. It was just that I wanted the veggies that were on the side, and I didn't realize that since I don't really eat so much meat anymore that I also don't really like it very much. The veggies were worth it, though, and it's always fun to watch the hottie chef work. We didn't get to see the hottie lady chef, though, she was busy in back.

ugh

beer

Rubber Soul

is my next project, don't forget

Phew

Finally this week has pretty much un-busied itself. I think today is the day that blanket baby is coming, so I really need to finish the blanket. I also want to make a CD of this bass book so I can practice it a little. But I'm waiting for the end of naptime because it might get noisy.

Something clicked in my head last night at my gig so that now things are better and I feel way more confident for the most part. It was rather shocking, the difference, but in a good way. yah

hungry

Today

I did some sun salutations, and read some stuff, and fought like the dickens with this headache that's working on day 2 now. I've been winning, though, woohoo. The girls did much better at yoga today, after having a nap. Ella still insists that she doesn't like it. Pooper.

Oooh, and I also practiced this morning for a bit only to realize that I'm pretty much OK on this stuff I think. There are maybe 2 tunes I need to look over still. It will be exciting to hopefully play a gig where I don't suck!

That maybe is the hardest thing, the acceptance of the suck. But it is, so it must be, until it is not.

and with that, I am over and out

Oh yeah

I forgot! This was the month of the massively painful ovulation! Perhaps that is why I had a hurtier than usual beginning to this cycle...

I had a good practice, but then I had to hurry hurry hurry to get the girls to ballet on time, which now has me in headache mode because I got up too quick after a long shoulder stand.

I still need to practice the bass today, Sister Sadie needs some attention. I did get around to watching my Mingus documentary, boy does his kid look like him. Thought it interesting that he was floated away on the Ganges, and I have more to say but this headache is requiring a shower.

Innards

Even though Ella's birthday was the 13th, I always feel like it's not her birthday until Tuesday. I don't think she could have been born on any other day. Yes I know it was technically wednesday... Remember? Walking around and around and around while the all-star game was going on. So today is the day I'm going to remember, and I was blessed this morning with another reminder, of the more cramping variety. Ugh. and Ouch.

This is the first month in a long time that I've had this sort of cramping, though, the past few cycles have been really light and not hurty.

Back to the leafy greens, that's what's been missing.

I'm so glad the road workers are so punctual to start right away at 7. Even though we go weeks without seeing them at all.

Today I must read all of the new books and go to the library in addition to theater camp and ballet. I don't like being this busy

So yoga camp was only OK. Because of our busy-ness there was no time for a nap between theater class and yoga. Abbey of course was fine because she's done it all before, but little Ella was so nervous that she just didn't have a good time. Plus most of the kids are quite a bit bigger, she just barely made the age cut-off. I hope this isn't one of those things that she remembers forever, the whole way home it was "I don't like yoga! I don't want to go to yoga! I like to stay with you!"

But Ella, if you stay with me, there will be yoga...

detritus

Well, Ella is officially 3. I think she had a nice day, I didn't get the best pics but hopefully someone did. And the best part? I'm officially sane again! 3 years post partum makes such a difference.

Things I'm annoyed by: Why does the yoga studio I used to take classes at make me feel like they don't like me or something? They offered 2 sessions of a kids yoga camp, this week and next. This week we already have a thing, next week we don't so I signed the girls up for the second session. Only to receive a note almost instantly requesting that I come to the first session instead because no one had yet signed up for the second. Um. Ok. Then why is it offered? And I'm sorry but given my history with the place why not ask the 1 other first session person if they could just switch to the second and AGAIN why offer 2 sessions if your only really offering 1? So confused... And where's the 2 kid discount too, now that I'm worked up about it? Music class gives a 2 kid discount mutter mutter

Yet so excited for both girls to get to go to yoga, I got them mats and everything.

Um, yeah, more later

thoughts

so, who knew the cheapo wine was poison? Ugh, I only had 2 glasses I think? Maybe a tad more? Certainly not enough to still be feeling this out of sorts almost 24 hours later.

Still, I'd like to thank the academy, and also my children for sitting so quietly and watching 2 whole shows while I snoozed on the couch. Because then I was able to get up and do a bit of practicing.

The coolest thing to happen to me today, though, was that I was somehow inclined to try Urdhva Dhanurasana out of the blue, why? I don't know. Anyway, I didn't fight it and up I floated! It was so easy that I freaked out and came down and then I was scared to go back up. But very cool none the less. I used to do lots of backbends as a kid but this is the first time in a long time that I feel like I could do one every day again.

the blanket is coming along, I don't think I'm going to try stripes, this time. I'll save that for the next one... (wink wink nudge nudge)

Oh, and in the better left unsaid category, a big old fuck you to my husband and his people for always offering to babysit during nap time. This is not when I need a sitter. For the past 5 years I have been frustrated almost weekly by this phenomenon and today is no different.

blankets

The yarn finally came for the 2 baby blankets that I'm supposed to make, have been waiting for a long time (cue Boston) (just cuz I was listening to great woods 99)

Also practiced today on bass and yoga woohoo for me. It's absolutely amazing how fast progress can be made when one does something every day.

Things I didn't think about during savasana:
- how much I love that little triangle solo during YEM
- I need a bass teacher who won't charge me 50 bucks an hour
- I should go get a jobby job at the music store
- I hate air conditioning

Projects

I just realized that I haven't sprouted anything in a long time. I think it's because it's hard for me to eat them all by myself before they get nasty. I should at least get some amber waves and bake some more bread.

I have been practicing yoga every day for this entire moon cycle so far, although there have been a few days where my practice is more reading and watching videos and meditating rather than the actual sweating part. But I had to make an allowance for my current life-style with the small non butt wiping child. I simply can't always carve out a half hour or so without interruption. I've also been trying to practice pratyahara and plow on through even with the interruptions.

I finished the Jaywalker socks, then they damn near killed me because I'm not used to how slippery my back steps are with socks on. They don't exactly fit right, but I'm not inclined to rip them out, I think I'll give them away.

Hooray for Me

I'm such a blockhead. I swear, if there was one personality trait of mine that I would change if I could, it would be the utter blockheadedness of knowing what I'm supposed to be doing but finding someway to talk myself out of doing it. I'm seriously my own worst enemy. WHY WHY WHY? dunno.

Anyway, so I made it almost completely through the entire half hour practice and it wasn't actually that hard today. I'm sure it helped that I had that massage on Tuesday, in fact, I was reminded that I can have another once I've made my 30 days straight and that's starting TODAY. dammit.

Yah.

Woohoo.

Happy Little Sprouts

The Pea Carnival has been harvested, now if I can just eat them before they get nasty. So far they taste a lot like the San Francisco Mix but I just looked and they contain many of the same things.

I had an interesting happening while I was rinsing these little buggars. I was shaking and tapping them, trying to get the water off, when I looked down into the container and was overcome with a feeling of utter happiness, joy really, but it seemed to be coming from the sprouts! They seemed so happy to be sprouting and filling with life that they were giddy about it. Call me crazy.

Sprouts! I started the Pea Carnival last night. I'm waiting for my paypal to be funded so I can order more grain and bake more bread.

woohoo

My knee is just now finally better, although it still hurts to put too much weight directly on it in hands and knees I seem to be able to at least balance between the two knees finally. I just have to be careful not to lean too far that way. Practicing today was tiring, 8 salutations and then warrior 1 into 2 into side angle into half moon, then pigeon, then locust which always kicks my ass. I only did it twice instead of 3 times. Cobbler's pose told me that I haven't practiced in awhile, but shoulder stand told me that it's better this way.

Then I had a nap.

Ouch

I had a realization today, while trying yet again to get through even the smallest yoga sequence without having to stop or struggle with myself about it or it being too hard, or whatever, that I feel as bad when I don't do yoga everyday vs. when I do as I did when I used to smoke every day vs. now. So I'm very resolved now, I must do yoga every day no question, so then what happens? I BITE it out on the bricks because my fucking neighbor has this fucking fence thing all rigged up and it got caught on my new damn shoes and almost wrecked them. fucking fence fucking neighbor fucking OUCH and now my shoulder hurts because I landed on it funny and I landed square on my knee and skinned it nicely, which means that of course it's going to hurt to do yoga AGAIN tomorrow, between the shoulder and the knee.

gotta do it